Whos jokes

There's nothing quite like being told I'm wrong by someone who depends on me for food, clothing, and shelter.

Wade, you're a joke. The worst joke.

Hoped this would be a safer, more fun place to talk to my BP friends, but I guess not.

I've also learned that some people think "worst jokes ever" = "terrible unfunny jokes that make light of people who died horribly or otherwise suffered" instead of things like "why did the chicken cross the road?"-type jokes.

Maybe I'm just too old at this point.

Did you hear about the woman who couldn't stop collecting magazines? She had issues.

Did you hear about the guy who drank invisible ink? He's at the hospital waiting to be seen.

Did you hear about the guy who was afraid of hurdles? He got over it.

Did you hear about the roofer who went to the doctor? He had shingles.

What do you call a pig who knows how to use a knife? A pork chop.

Did you hear about the man who jumped off a bridge in France? He was in Seine.

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Your dad.

But my dad's dead.

I know, just reminding you!

I have some black friends who hate it when I say the N-word around them, so I got a pet monkey.

Hi, I am just wondering who went into my account, 'cause I've changed my password, by the way.

I went for a job interview today and the manager said, "We're looking for someone who is responsible."

"Well, I'm your man," I replied. "In my last job, whenever anything went wrong, they said I was responsible."

The way you talk is so slow that they put you in the movie Fast and Furious and changed the title to Slow and Serious!!!😂😂😭

What do you call someone who fixes walls?

Juan, probably.

A note for my old English Teacher:

Mr. Colin, who loves making a din, He thinks everyone loves him, but little does he know, That's not what everyone shows, About his life he ploughs and ploughs, About his dog Bella and his relationship woes... Mr. Colin, we do not care, When you speak, our minds are not there, Your life you have unnecessarily shared, When we see you, our eyesight is impaired... Mr. Colin, rumbling about his exceptions, Just when someone puts something in the bin, Or chatters to someone, not even causing a din, But Mr. Colin, drinking too much gin, Will flail all his annoying attention on him, He'll push his limits, right to the rim...

And just how I love flan! Oh, he's finally gone!

I saw someone who was about to jump off a bridge. They were wearing a Nike "JUST DO IT" shirt.

I don't got a pencil or pen in this bookbag. Added like ten to the clip 'cause it look bad. Don't give a fuck if you pissed, nigga, get mad. Or you can bitch and get killed with your bitch ass. Lil' bro got blood on his shirt with his Crip ass. Go write a diss and get murked, don't do shit ass. Bitch, I'm a star, I might burst with my stiff ass. Hop out the car like, "Who want it? Who with that?" I don't know nothin', I was gone when they did that. Bandana wrapped where my chrome and my wig at. If he want beef, hit his home with a Big Mac. Niggas be breakin' the code like a Kit-Kat. Runnin' your mouth like a ho get you bitch-slapped.

What do you call a priest who became a singer?

Michael Jackson.

My grandma used to beat the hell out of me for coming home late. Guess who's late now?

Did you hear about the gay guy who got kicked off the golf course?

He was playing with too many strokes.

One day I was at school, and this girl had the nerve. She told me to go to the back of the line. I was looking behind me, and she said, "What are you looking for?" I said, "To who [are] you talking to, boo boo?" Like, is you you my momma?