When jokes

We thought that my mother died in the best way possible, during her sleep.

But when we did an autopsy on her, we saw she actually died in the worst way possible. During the autopsy.

What did one nut say to the other nut when it was chasing it?

“I’m gonna cashew!”

The bell rings, and Ana was about to leave, but the teacher said, "The bell doesn't dismiss you, I do."

The next day, Ana was late, and the teacher asked, "Why are you late?" Ana replied with, "The bell doesn't tell me when I should arrive, I do."

You can assume a horse is called a great jumper when the horse’s name is “Polo Neck”.

When you unplug the charger to charge your phone, but you realize it was plugged into your grandpa's life support:

What do you get when you have a class of kids and a speeding car?

A 24 killstreak!

When you tell your mom that she is bad at jokes, then she tells you, "Well, I made you!"

I can't believe what just happened. I was at the bowling alley having a great time with my girlfriend when suddenly a man took all of our bowling pins! I asked him why and he said he needed more tapins to keep his career relevant. I instantly realized it was Penaldo!

What did the spectator miss when going to the toilet?

The entire English innings.

Why was the orphan so successful?

When they told him go big or go home, he only had one option.

I'm so poor that when robbers break into my house,

they bring me things. <_>

Your momma's so fat, when she pulls her knickers down, her ass is still in them.

When babies kick their mother, it's okay, but when I do it, it's a crime...

Teacher says, "Okay class, today we're gonna talk about what everyone wants to be when they grow up." Little Johnny, how about you go first."

Little Jonny: "I want to be a speed bump when I grow up!"

Yo mama is so ugly, when she looked at the mirror, I cracked up.

Who needs Singles Day when you're single for the rest of your life!

When a deaf person is on trial, is it really considered a hearing?

When an orphan takes a family photo, it’s called a selfie.

I think about my life, and then I think about death. I prefer death. If you ask me, life is just a time when you die. Basically, death is life, meaningless 0-0.

Women be like chivalry is dead, then don't say thank you when you open the door for them.