When jokes
When do you go to the store?
UVUALA!!!!!
How do you know when you have been invited to a gay barbecue?
When you are unable to distinguish foot-long hot dogs from long and thick big dicks, regardless of skin color.
When a baby was born to a slave, did the slave owners hang a "Bred in Captivity" sign above the crib?
The north and south towers got into an argument.
The south tower said, "We will talk about this when we are on the ground."
What was the weather forecast when the planes hit the World Trade Center? Partly cloudy with scattered passengers!
It takes a lot of trust for two cannibals to gluck gluck each other. You never know when it's goodbye willy.
When did Michael say, "This is it"?
2009.
What has 2 or 3 hands and is always right twice a day when it is broken?
A clock.
Yo mama so fat...
...people in Florida start buying flood insurance when they see her waddling toward the ocean.
When the emo girl is in a movie and the director says, "Cut."
I will never forget the moment when my father saw me masturbating. He said, "Son, what are you doing? I'm on a video conference - get out of my office!"
Everyone becomes happy when they complete the last stage of the game.
But the cancer patients aren't.
Q: What's the difference between a CEO and a beer can?
A: Beer cans don't bleed when they get shot.
When I was a kid, I knew a woman named Betty Pears.
She died a horrible death from Alzheimer's.
I thought a pear was a fruit, not a vegetable!
Do you know why they call me battery saver?
I get turned on when it’s below 10%.
You know, you should adopt a pet. So then you can feel the pain that your parents felt when they adopted you... wait... also the regret after.
Why the hell would I go to a shooting range when I could go to school and do it for free?
My grandma always looks at me when we go to a wedding and says, "You’re next!"
When we attend a funeral, I say, "You’re next!"
When cops say you have the right to remain silent,
You're just happy you have the right to do something.
The tortoise can't go out to play, Or sell his house or rent it. For when he moves, his house moves too, And nothing can prevent it.