When jokes

What do you get when you cross a lesbian and a platypus? I lick a lot of pussy.

What does the cent say when it says hello? It waves.

Brinnia so fat when she stepped on a scale, it said, "I need a bigger one."

Yo mama so fat, when she jumped in the ocean, the whales said, "We are family, even though you're fatter than me!"

When you're bored, punch an orphan. What are they gonna do? Tell their mummy?

I am sure this was the type of economy Judas Iscariot was in when he betrayed Jesus.

What do you get when you cross a snowman and a vampire?

Frostbite.

What do guns and gum have in common?

When you pull one out, everyone wants to be your friend.

Your friend is so fat, when he took the group pic, he was the background.

You got the whole crowd of people laughing when looking at you.

That face needing some laughing pills.

Your mom is so fat that when she saw Moby Dick, she said, "We are family... even though you're bigger than me."

When you're watching "Gnomeo and Juliet 2" and your dad walks in on the gnome shaking his butt.

Me when the your, uh, uhhhh, when your me when the your, uhhh, uhhhhh, mom.

What do you call it when you sell Panera Bread in your shed?

Panera Shed.

What's the difference between an emo kid and an apple?

One hits the ground when they fall from the tree.

Your hairline is so far back that when I put on my glasses, I thought I saw an "M" for McDonald's on your hairline.

Why was the orphan so successful?

Because when he was told "go big or go home," he only had one option.

When you're lonely, watch a scary movie. You won’t feel lonely anymore!

Your sister is so stupid, when she saw Mountain Dew, she went to the top of a mountain to get it.

Yo mama so ugly, when she go to church they say it's a demon!