When jokes

When your boy tries to have a bad day while you're on your period:

Oh, you have a cold? How rude of me. I just laid an egg, and now my body is ripping down the walls of my uterus. But can I get you a tissue?

When I die, I'll let everyone I kept dear lower my coffin into the ground.

So they can let me down one last time.

When a person in a wheelchair says, "You've never taken a step in my shoes," and you say, "To be honest, you haven't either."

What happens to teeth when they go in water?

Bro, I dunno, they get wet?

Yo mama is so fat that when she fell over, she created the Grand Canyon.

You're so fat, when you wear a yellow raincoat, people call out, "TAXI!"

Yo mama so old, when she left the antique shop, the alarm went off.

Tell the person next to you to spell "me." When they do, say, "You forgot the D." They should respond with, "There is no D in ME." You say, "Not yet." If this does not go as planned, well, then you are fucked for life.

I got in trouble in school today. The teacher said, "I'm gonna call your parents!"

I said, "Let me know when you find them." <3

Think about how many more girls we guys could get if we talked to them how we talk to other guys, like when they say, "Can I borrow a pencil?" You say, "You can borrow this hard wood dick."

What's the difference between an orgy and mass suicide?

When exactly my cult members drink the Kool-Aid.

Your mom is so fat that when she saw Moby Dick, she said, "We are family... even though you're bigger than me."

When you're watching "Gnomeo and Juliet 2" and your dad walks in on the gnome shaking his butt.

Yo mama so fat when she stepped on a scale, it said... "Error!"

Yo mama so fat when she walked all we knew was EARTHQUAKE!

Yo mama so fat when she walks the earth talks!

LMAO

Yo mama so fat, when she farts, it's counted as a new gas element.

What does a blind man crying and an unplugged TV have in common?

Nothing can be seen when they get turned on.

A friend took me out to his shed and was showing me all his tools, when he pointed to a ladder. "That's my step ladder," he said. "I never knew my real ladder."

Your mom's so fat, when she stands on the scale, it says, "To be continued..."