When jokes

Ever heard of account stealing?

Ever heard of someone by the name of "#SHUT THE HELL UP GWEN DON'T EVEN DATE PRINCE ON FACE BOOK!!!!!!!! I HATE IT WHEN UR HAPPY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"?

Roses are red, Violets are blue, When life gets tough, I'll stand by you.

Little Johnny is with his dad behind a garbage truck when a dildo thumps the windshield.

To protect Little Johnny's innocence, he says, "That was an insect."

Little Johnny replies, "I'm surprised it could get off the ground with a cock like that!"

When does a cub become a Boy Scout?

When he eats his first brownie.

The brain named itself, and when the brain realized that it named itself, it was surprised.

But maybe, it was a spelling mistake and the brain wanted the name Brian. We all have a little Brian in us!

Hey Siri, what’s in my bank account?

You stupid shit, piece of elephant crap, you’re so ugly that when you were born, your nickname was bastard! You’re so ugly, that your crush fainted in front of you and was proclaimed dead! You’re so ugly that-

(Destroys phone cutely)

You know you have weird Indian parents when you can hear them canilingus each other.

Yo mama is so fat, when she's walking down the street, there are cracks all over the sidewalk.

Yo mama so fat that when she steps into an elevator, she has to go down.

When an orphan takes a family photo, it's called a selfie.

Yo mama's so poor that when I was walking down the street, I saw her kicking the trash can, and I asked, "What are you doing?" She said, "I'm moving!"

Yo mama is so fat when she goes to the dentist, they make her lay face down.

What did the Twin Towers say when they saw the airplane?

Batter up!

Why was the North Tower a bad doctor when the South Tower collapsed?

Because the North Tower didn’t do CPR.

Yo mama so fat, when they buried her, they named her Everest. Mount Everest.

Yo mama so fat when someone asked her to touch her chin, she asked, "Which one?"

What did the llama say when the villagers said that he had to leave the village?

"Alpaca my bags."

When the feminists find out that it's humanity, not huwomanity.

How did "Bloody Mary" become a thing?

Because her husband beat her bloody when she didn't stay in the kitchen.

Your mama is so fat, when she stepped on the scale the doctor asked for her weight, not her phone number.