When jokes

When you are sitting outside at school and this boy comes up to you with a rock in his hand and says, "Do you know where Mrs. Stewart is at?"

Yo mama so ugly, when she go to church they say it's a demon!

People are like trees. They fall when you hit them multiple times with an axe.

If I fuck you harder, you have to scream "daddy," but what happens when you cum?

How much wood can a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? If you woodchuck on the world with that, you have a really deep in, and he says goodbye. When he says goodbye, you're like, "if you."

What do you call it when orphans take a family photo? A selfie!

When you are eating delicious street food in China and you ask the chef: You: "Is this chicken?" Chef: "No, its meow meow."

What do a blonde chick and a turtle both have in common?

When they're on their backs, they're screwed.

I was doing a race, and I started after everyone 'cause I fell, but when I got up I realized I couldn't even race, not because I was behind, but because I can't go straight if I'm gay...

What do you call it when an orphan takes a picture?

A family portrait/A selfie.

When you tell your mom that she is bad at jokes, then she tells you, "Well, I made you!"

I can't believe what just happened. I was at the bowling alley having a great time with my girlfriend when suddenly a man took all of our bowling pins! I asked him why and he said he needed more tapins to keep his career relevant. I instantly realized it was Penaldo!

What did the spectator miss when going to the toilet?

The entire English innings.

Why was the orphan so successful?

When they told him go big or go home, he only had one option.

Quoting the great Jimmy Carr: "When I cook, I make sure there are vegetarian options. They can make do, or they can fuck off."

Q: What do you get when the cow jumped over the barbed wire? A: Udder destruction!

Q: How do you know when someone is an opposition leader to Putin?

A: When they are falling from their balcony.

What happens when the Freedom Towers got hit? They step in Ground Zero.

When does a Pentagon have 4 sides? When it's intercepted by a plane.

What does a gun and gum have in common?

When you pull one out, everyone wants to be your friend.