When jokes
What do you call yourself when you fist a midget?
A ventriloquist.
What did the mouse 🐭 say when his friend broke their teeth?
Hard cheese! 🧀😂
Why do they call them apartments when they are together?
What did Adam say when he saw Eve?
Answer: "Woman!"
A neutron walks into a bar and orders a drink. When the neutron gets his drink, he asks, "Bartender, how much do I owe you?"
The bartender replies, "For you, neutron, no charge."
What do you get when you cross a pedophile and an elementary school? Predator 3.
What do you call a stoner when horny?
A weed whacker!
When you say to your friend, "I've got your back," then at his funeral you see in his coffin he's missing his middle piece.
Don’t you hate it when your teacher(s) say, “just focus, it’s that easy?”
And then you die inside.
What time is it when you get a chance to take a car and drive all over?
Time to get in trouble!
What do crows use when they get a phone?
A "CAWing" card!
When the North Tower saw the South Tower collapse, he would say, "I'm still standing."
Yo mama is so fat that when she was at school, they needed a satellite to take her school photo.
Your mama is so fat that when she sat down on the couch for a family picture, it was just her.
When you were born, you were so ugly that the doctors slapped your parents!
What did Jesus say when they removed the nails from his hands?
"Feet! Feet!"
What's the difference between soccer and a dead baby?
I don't wear steel cap boots when I play soccer.
When does a joke become a dad joke?
When it leaves and never comes back...
2k14 was so realistic when I switched to Kobe, the pass button stopped working.
I was born and raised in Newcastle.
My grandfather used to tell me stories about Penaldo, a goblin from Portugal that travels to England when Newcastle is playing. He scores a tapin and then disappears until the next Newcastle game. I still have nightmares that he’s in our stadium.