When jokes
I wasn't close to my dad when he died.
Which was good. He died during 9/11.
The first priest asks the second, "How long do we keep the babies in the holy water?" The priest replies, "No clue... I close my eyes when I masturbate!"
My dick is red.
Your pussy's pink.
It's really tight
When you're dead.
There is a Mexican sitting on a train.
The guy sitting next to him says, "I have a big dick."
The Mexican decides to get a lawnmower and some clippers. When he got off the train, the police found a dead body with no dick and pube hairs.
What did the customer say when Beef a Roo made him a bacon cheeseburger?
Thank a Roo.
Blessed Brian, your secrets are safe with me... because I wasn’t listening when you told them.
Just letting you know if people cry when they see you, that doesn't mean they miss you. That means they're scared of your onion breath.
You're so ugly that when your mama had you, she tried to give you away, but there was nowhere to give you.
A man walks over to a little boy and asks, "Wanna see my tattoo of a bunny?"
The little boy replies with, "Yes please, I love bunnies!"
The man proceeds to pull his pants down and said, "Can you see it yet?"
The little boy curious says, "No, where is it?"
The man says, "Dig a little deeper, he runs into the hole when he gets scared!"
I actually think Paul Walker was a good man, he did not deserve to be burned alive.
He had a change of race tho when he died.
What sound does a nut make when it comes alive?
Christmas!
A father is talking to his three kids.
Kid 1: Why is my name Rose?
Dad: Because when you were a kid, a rose fell on your head.
Kid 2: Why is my name Lily?
Dad: Because a lily fell on your head when you were a baby.
Kid 3: Auughhghhhggghhh!
Dad: Oh hey, Brick.
Q: What do you do when an epileptic has a seizure in the bathtub?
A: Throw in some laundry.
What time should you go to bed when it's bedtime?
Why don't orphans go to the shops? Because when their mum leaves, she's never coming back.
What do classical musicians do when they die?
They decompose.
I saw a beautiful homeless girl and asked if I could take her out on a date. She politely accepted and enjoyed herself. Soon after, I asked if I could take her home, she smiled and nodded her head. Her smile disappeared when she saw me running away with her cardboard box.
What do you say when you hear someone tripping over at night?
Goddammit, Jamal!
When is Donald Trump?
What did the frog do when his car broke down?
It was toad.