When jokes
When the teacher gives me an F on my exam,
but I have an AK-47 in my backpack.
*Is honestly the best policy.*
When and where was the biggest BBQ ever?
Hiroshima, Japan 1946.
When your baby is stillborn and you have a funeral, what song should you never play?
Alphaville - "Forever Young."
What's the difference between a refrigerator and a gay person...
It don't moan when u put milk inside.
What’s the difference between a woman and a mosquito?
A mosquito stops sucking when you slap it.
New teacher: "I was an orphan when I was young."
Student: "But!"
Teacher: "Is something missing?"
Student: "Your parents!"
My girlfriend asked me to name all the women I've slept with. I probably should've stopped when I got to her.
What does the blind man say when he walks past the fish market?
"Hello, ladies!"
You know when people say a joke about living?
That's because we are all living a joke.
So I saw a bag full of children near a dumpster. I guess we know where the orphans are when the parents didn’t want them.
Wouldn’t want to hope a Catholic priest comes along, otherwise the priest will have new sex toys.
Ok, so I have a joke for you, go look in the mirror and when you realize, come back to me and tell me.
When the North Tower saw the South Tower collapse, he would say, "I'm still standing."
What do you call yourself when you fist a midget?
A ventriloquist.
When you tell an orphan, "I did your mom in your home," and they start crying.
Me: You f&*k up.
The class: Oh sh!&
9/11 isn't something we should joke about. Some people can remember where they were when they found out. I'll never forget where I was when I found out.
It was 9:37, September 10th, 2001. I was in a cave in Iraq when my friend Mohammad told me.
Little Johnny walks into the living room and asks his parents, "Mom, Dad, what do you get when you crossbreed a bulldog and shih tzu?"
The mother and father shrug and say, "We have no idea, Johnny. What do you get?" and little Johnny replies, "You get a bullshit."
We all know yo homie bout to hop in a fight when:
1. He staring mighty hard at y'all.
2. When your friend know you gon get your ass beat.
3. When your friend say he not gon jump in (you know he lying).
When life gives you melons, You’re probably dyslexic.
Yo mama so ugly, that when Santa came down the chimney he said, "Ho, ho- HOLY SHIT!"
Yo mama so fat, when she went on the weighing scale, it said, "To be continued."