When jokes

When you think you're depressed, but you know you're probably just using depression to be lazy and self-loathing, but then you realize that it, in itself, might actually be a symptom of depression.

Well gang, it looks like we've got another mystery on our hands!

2k14 was so realistic when I switched to Kobe, the pass button stopped working.

Child: Hello, I can’t find my dad.

Stranger: Oh, well when and where did you last see him?

Child: Oh, I remember, 5 years ago he went to get some milk here.

I wish that when Mario dies to some random object, I died too.

Yo mama is so fat that when she was at school, they needed a satellite to take her school photo.

What's the difference between soccer and a dead baby?

I don't wear steel cap boots when I play soccer.

When I feel depressed, I like to cut myself another piece of cake.

When does a joke become a dad joke?

When it leaves and never comes back...

What did Jesus say when they removed the nails from his hands?

"Feet! Feet!"

I was at school when I remembered I forgot my necklace, then I screamed out, "Shit, I forgot Grandpa!"

I have a stepladder because my real ladder left when I was 5.

Your mama so fat when she stepped on a scale it said, "Ma'am, take the bowling ball off of the scale!"

What happened when the Japanese guy offered Logan Paul a high five?

He left him hanging.

Knock knock. Who's there? Artichokes. Artichokes who? Artichokes when he eats too fast.

My balls are high, just like the towers, but when something impales them, they begin to sag.

Jesus will be history when I realize he's behind me.

What’s big, pink, long and makes my 12 year old girlfriend cry when I put it in her mouth?

Her miscarriage.

Why do orphans become criminals when they grow up? Because they want to be wanted.

Bullying orphans is like bullying the homeless kid; both cry when you make fun of their parents.

I was born and raised in Newcastle.

My grandfather used to tell me stories about Penaldo, a goblin from Portugal that travels to England when Newcastle is playing. He scores a tapin and then disappears until the next Newcastle game. I still have nightmares that he’s in our stadium.