When jokes
When you’re trying to attract a partner, it’s important to project the qualities you desire. Shit, have I had to suck a lot of cock lately!?
What did the mouse 🐭 say when his friend broke their teeth?
Hard cheese! 🧀😂
Why do they call them apartments when they are together?
When your teenager asks for personal space and you remind her that she came out of your personal space.
Yo mama so fat that when she tried to get on the train, it said, "Weight limit passed, everyone get off!"
Memes
Can you relate
What do you get when you dip a duck in blue paint?
A very pissed duck.
When the teacher gives me an F on my exam,
but I have an AK-47 in my backpack.
*Is honestly the best policy.*
The highest level of trust in the world is when two cannibals are each giving each other blowjobs.
What do you call yourself when you fist a midget?
A ventriloquist.
When your baby is stillborn and you have a funeral, what song should you never play?
Alphaville - "Forever Young."
What's the difference between a refrigerator and a gay person...
It don't moan when u put milk inside.
When the North Tower saw the South Tower collapse, he would say, "I'm still standing."
When the school shooter says to get on the ground, but the sped kid thinks it's Simon Says!
A neutron walks into a bar and orders a drink. When the neutron gets his drink, he asks, "Bartender, how much do I owe you?"
The bartender replies, "For you, neutron, no charge."
What do you call a stoner when horny?
A weed whacker!
What do you get when you cross a pedophile and an elementary school? Predator 3.
When you say to your friend, "I've got your back," then at his funeral you see in his coffin he's missing his middle piece.
What time is it when you get a chance to take a car and drive all over?
Time to get in trouble!
Don’t you hate it when your teacher(s) say, “just focus, it’s that easy?”
And then you die inside.
What do crows use when they get a phone?
A "CAWing" card!