When jokes

What do you get when you dip a duck in blue paint?

A very pissed duck.

When the teacher gives me an F on my exam,

but I have an AK-47 in my backpack.

*Is honestly the best policy.*

The highest level of trust in the world is when two cannibals are each giving each other blowjobs.

What's the difference between a refrigerator and a gay person...

It don't moan when u put milk inside.

When the North Tower saw the South Tower collapse, he would say, "I'm still standing."

Yoo! I found a $100 bill, found a child who said they lost their $100 bill. Gave them $25.

When God gives you glory, you give it back.

Yo mama so fat, when she went on the weighing scale, it said, "To be continued."

Yo mama so ugly, that when Santa came down the chimney he said, "Ho, ho- HOLY SHIT!"

What do you call yourself when you fist a midget?

A ventriloquist.

When your baby is stillborn and you have a funeral, what song should you never play?

Alphaville - "Forever Young."

My lesbian neighbors gave me a Rolex. Guess they misunderstood when I said I wanted to watch.

9/11 isn't something we should joke about. Some people can remember where they were when they found out. I'll never forget where I was when I found out.

It was 9:37, September 10th, 2001. I was in a cave in Iraq when my friend Mohammad told me.

Yo momma's so fat, when she skips a meal, the stock market drops.

Little Johnny walks into the living room and asks his parents, "Mom, Dad, what do you get when you crossbreed a bulldog and shih tzu?"

The mother and father shrug and say, "We have no idea, Johnny. What do you get?" and little Johnny replies, "You get a bullshit."

You're so ugly that when you were born, your mother asked, "How does my little treasure look?", and the doctor replied, "I think we should bury it immediately."

I have a stepladder because my real ladder left when I was 5.

When you tell an orphan, "I did your mom in your home," and they start crying.

Me: You f&*k up.

The class: Oh sh!&

We all know yo homie bout to hop in a fight when:

1. He staring mighty hard at y'all.

2. When your friend know you gon get your ass beat.

3. When your friend say he not gon jump in (you know he lying).

What’s big, pink, long and makes my 12 year old girlfriend cry when I put it in her mouth?

Her miscarriage.

Your mama so fat when she stepped on a scale it said, "Ma'am, take the bowling ball off of the scale!"