When jokes

What do you give a pig when it has a rash?

Oinkment.

Why did the orphan join the baseball team?

Because he knew when he got to third base he could head home.

When the school shooter enters the classroom and it's the quiet kid's dad.

Ariana Grande was in the store, and when she put her groceries on the counter, she said, "Thank you, next!"

Have you ever had a friend who masturbated many times? I had one who did a lot, but he had no imagination... when he masturbated, he imagines his hand.

When she saw her first strands of grey hair, she thought she'd dye.

So, she went to see the "You Should Be Shot" Photography Studio.

What does it mean when a man sits on a boulder instead of on the ground?

A bolder choice.

When a fat person steps on a scale, it says: “To be continued.”

Why does a robot malfunction when they get sad?

Because they have a break down.

I love it when your parents come round for Christmas. I just wish we couldn't hear them through the ceiling.

This morning I woke up, then took a bath with some chocolate mud. At first, when I turned the damn flossers on, I noticed it wasn't water. It was all chocolate mud, and now my body is all chocolatey.

Why are Amoebas so bad at math?

Because, when they need to multiply, they divide.

What do you say when a person trips?

You say, "Why you trippin'?"

I hit something when I pulled into my driveway.

And then I noticed that my cat was missing.

When you're in the middle of a test and you hear gun shots.

Yo mama is so ugly that when Santa came to the house and saw a picture of her, he died.

What is the most awkward moment when Helen Keller is playing pin the tail on the donkey?

Her friends aren’t sure whether to blindfold her.

What does a cop say when they shoot ginger?

"Orange is the new black."

What do you do when you finish a magazine in the hospital?

Reload and keep firing!

What do you do when a blonde throws a grenade at you?

You pull the pin and throw it back!