When jokes
My impression of Michael Jackson's butler:
When answering the phone: "No, sorry, he's dead." *hangs up phone*
The real reason women are always cold is because they’re not in front of a stove or an oven. So, naturally, when they leave the habitat, they need to have two blankets.
I was confused when they asked me, "Do you know how to fly a plane?" Then, when I said, "No," they said, "Perfect!"
Where do sex addicts go when they need to talk? Hoe-and-Tell.
My mom said she wanted to be a comedian when she grows up. So after she was an adult, she had kids. When they were old enough, she told them you could be whatever you want...
I'm so poor that when people come over to my house, I come out the window and say, "Ding Dong!"
What do you get when you throw a pile of dead babies into a fryer?
Kentucky Fried Children!
What's it called when you eat those same babies?
Finger Lickin' Good!
What did Joe say when he saw his girlfriend sleeping with his sister?
Nothing, he just started wanking.
What did the sweet potato say to the potato when he was told to hurry?
I yam.
I got arrested because I cremated a guy. They said the guy had been alive when I burned him. I mean, it's an early cremation—what's the difference?
What did the shark say when he ate the clownfish?
"This tastes a little funny."
When the quiet kid lost a game of basketball and reaches into his bag,
other people in the gym: "Oh shit this nigga bout to shoot."
When I was in middle school, I was kidnapped by a terrorist organization.
Al-gebra.
What did the terrorist do when his kidneys failed?
Dial-ISIS!
Mom, can I be a firefighter when I grow up?
Mom: Oh, you won't grow up, Caillou.
Four gay guys are sitting in a Jacuzzi when all of a sudden, a condom starts floating. One of the gay guys turns around and asks, "Okay, who farted?"
What did the grandma say at the hospital when you pulled the tube?...................
What did the Twin Towers get when they ordered an extra large pepperoni pizza?
When the pizza man got there, all they got was plane.
It must have been a sad day when you slithered out of the abortion bucket.
Me: Why do you need to use shampoo when you are already bald? 🤣