When jokes

I got arrested because I cremated a guy. They said the guy had been alive when I burned him. I mean, it's an early cremation—what's the difference?

What did Joe say when he saw his girlfriend sleeping with his sister?

Nothing, he just started wanking.

Mom, can I be a firefighter when I grow up?

Mom: Oh, you won't grow up, Caillou.

Four gay guys are sitting in a Jacuzzi when all of a sudden, a condom starts floating. One of the gay guys turns around and asks, "Okay, who farted?"

When you met her first before your parents met each other. (In the case of your mom dating her dad).

When the school shooter throws a smoke grenade into the classroom, and the autistic kid thinks it's a disco party. 🕺🕺🕺

When your mom says, "Go to bed," but you reply with, "But Mom, I need help because it is inside, but we are outside."

What do you get when you throw a pile of dead babies into a fryer?

Kentucky Fried Children!

What's it called when you eat those same babies?

Finger Lickin' Good!

Where do sex addicts go when they need to talk? Hoe-and-Tell.

What do kids play when they can't play with a phone?

Bored games.

You are American when you walk to the bathroom. What are you when you are in there?

You're-a-peein'. European.

My mom said she wanted to be a comedian when she grows up. So after she was an adult, she had kids. When they were old enough, she told them you could be whatever you want...

I'm so poor that when people come over to my house, I come out the window and say, "Ding Dong!"

What did the sweet potato say to the potato when he was told to hurry?

I yam.

I was confused when they asked me, "Do you know how to fly a plane?" Then, when I said, "No," they said, "Perfect!"

A turtle was walking down the street when all of a sudden a snail came up to him and robbed him.

When the policemen showed up and asked him what happened, he responded, "I don't know, it all happened so fast!"

You know Hitler loves you when he comes up to you on Valentine's Day and he says, "Will you be my Valenein?"

What is the difference between a gay person and a refrigerator?

The refrigerator doesn’t start moaning and groaning when you try to put the meat in.

A dad told his son never to hit girls, so the son replied, "I promise."

When the son got older, he was doing the dirty with "a girl," and the girl says, "Spank me, daddy..." and the son responds, "My dad said never to hit a girl."

Then the "girl" takes off the wig, and it's his dad, and the dad said, "Good job, son!"

Son:...... um

What did they call Susan B. Anthony when she was sleeping on the job?

Snoozin' B. Anthony!