When jokes
So, two cats, one English (named "One Two Three Cat") and one French (named "Un Deux Trois Cat"), are walking through a forest and come across a river. To have a little fun, they decide to have a race across the river.
One Two Three Cat swam across, and when he finished the race, he looked behind him. "Un Deux Trois Cat" was nowhere to be seen. So "One Two Three Cat" figured that "Un Deux Trois Cat" sank.
What did Stevie Wonder see when he got murdered?
Nothing.
My impression of Michael Jackson's butler:
When answering the phone: "No, sorry, he's dead." *hangs up phone*
Your mum so fat that when she sat down she said, "Why are there so many people under me?"
The real reason women are always cold is because they’re not in front of a stove or an oven. So, naturally, when they leave the habitat, they need to have two blankets.
What do you get when you combine a penis and a potato?
A dictator.
I was confused when they asked me, "Do you know how to fly a plane?" Then, when I said, "No," they said, "Perfect!"
What did the terrorist do when his kidneys failed?
Dial-ISIS!
When I was in middle school, I was kidnapped by a terrorist organization.
Al-gebra.
Four gay guys are sitting in a Jacuzzi when all of a sudden, a condom starts floating. One of the gay guys turns around and asks, "Okay, who farted?"
I'm so poor that when people come over to my house, I come out the window and say, "Ding Dong!"
What did the sweet potato say to the potato when he was told to hurry?
I yam.
I got arrested because I cremated a guy. They said the guy had been alive when I burned him. I mean, it's an early cremation—what's the difference?
It must have been a sad day when you slithered out of the abortion bucket.
Me: Why do you need to use shampoo when you are already bald? 🤣
What did the shark say when he ate the clownfish?
"This tastes a little funny."
People always ask what the secret of our family's happiness is. It is simple really.
1. Television and computer games are limited to a couple of hours each week.
2. We all give each other a hand when needed.
Last but not least, we play Twister.
Mom, can I be a firefighter when I grow up?
Mom: Oh, you won't grow up, Caillou.
When the quiet kid lost a game of basketball and reaches into his bag,
other people in the gym: "Oh shit this nigga bout to shoot."
What did the Twin Towers get when they ordered an extra large pepperoni pizza?
When the pizza man got there, all they got was plane.