When jokes

Yo mama is so ugly that the Grinch fell out when he saw her!

I was walking down the hallway at my job when I saw a kid crying.

I asked him where his parents were, and he kept crying.

Man, I love working at the orphanage.

What do you get when you cross a dick and a potato?

A dictator.

When you find out your wife had a miscarriage,

So you start singing "It’s the best day ever!"

How to catch Bigfoot: 1. Dig a large pit. 2. Build a fire in the pit and let it burn all the way to ashes. 3. Place small green peas all around the rim of the pit. 4. Hide in the bushes and wait. When Bigfoot goes to take a pea, kick him in the ash hole.

How come pizza boxes are square when the pizza is a circle cut into triangles?

You're so brilliant and bright that the Sun wears sunglasses when you're near!

Yo momma is so fat, when she tried to hang herself, the noose broke.

Why was the orphan so successful?

When the options were either go big or go home, he only had one option :(

What's the difference between a gay man and a freezer?

A freezer doesn't scream when you put meat inside it.

My dad told me a joke one time. When I realized the joke, the second tower was hit.

What's the hardest thing when working with the severely mentally handicapped?

My dick.

What do you call it when school starts in Africa?

Black to school.

Michael Jackson, who's terrified of adult women, once had a girlfriend, but broke it off with her. When she asked him why, he said, "It's not you, it's me-hee-hee."

A husband came back from a business trip and found out that his wife was pregnant. At first, he got a bit suspicious, but then he just ignored it and hugged his wife with happiness. The second when he met his friend and told him the news, the friend just said, "Wait, what? I thought she was on pills!"

What is the difference between a male prostitute who is a Democrat and a male prostitute who is a Republican?

When Republicans perform fellatio for money, it is called prostitution, but when Democrats perform fellatio for money, it is called a donation to their political campaign.

What do you get when you put a baby in a box of razor blades and throw it down the stairs?

An erection!

I went to the pharmacy the other day. I tried to buy a pack of condoms, but I pretended I didn't have enough money to mess with the cashier.

I went back into the aisles of the store, got a pack of rubber bands and plastic wrap, bought them, and walked out. I loved the look on the cashier's face when they saw my decision.

So I was at a restaurant and I really hit it off with the waitress, so one thing led to another and I'm at her place and she was really nice at the IHOP but when I was there with her she was all like "ahhh! what are you doing!?!?!? how did you get in my house?!?!?" and then she punched me and I'm the one who ended up in prison.

I was walking down the street when I saw my ex-girlfriend, so I fucked her. Turns out it was her identical twins that she never told me about.

And I decided to confront her. So I did the next time I saw her, but this time it was her identical triplet. There are 3 of them...

AND SHE NEVER BROUGHT THAT UP IN THE 7 YEARS I WAS DATING HER!