When jokes
When you're depressed about the world :( but you remember you will soon die :)
When you push your grandma out of her wheelchair and steal it.
“They see me rollin’, they hatin’.”
When your little brother knocks your two Jenga towers you made with his toy airplane,
You: "Hey, stop trying to recreate the Twin Towers!"
Grandma: When we go to a wedding, whispers, "You're next."
At a funeral, I whisper, "You're next."
My cousin’s friend spelled “racist” wrong and when my cousin showed me, the first thing I said to my cousin’s friend is “Go to Grammarly. They REALLY teach you spelling.”
You're so ugly that when you were born, your mother asked, "How does my little treasure look?", and the doctor replied, "I think we should bury it immediately."
You're so ugly, when your mom dropped you off at school, she got a fine for littering.
You're so ugly that blind people cry when you walk past them.
What do you get when you mix a white guy and a fire?
A firecracker.
My mom said my sister was an angel, but when I threw her out the window, she didn't fly.
Guess what you get when you cross a dark side and your king?
Little Johnny walks into the living room and asks his parents, "Mom, Dad, what do you get when you crossbreed a bulldog and shih tzu?"
The mother and father shrug and say, "We have no idea, Johnny. What do you get?" and little Johnny replies, "You get a bullshit."
I had a very long dream that I was eating the most juiciest, tastiest meal I'd ever eaten in my life. Then when I woke up, my wife was gone.
1) What was Techno's reaction when he died?
2) Where did all the orphans go?
PS: In case you don't get it, it's a pedophile joke, cuz he is one!
My girlfriend sent “a let’s break up text” right when I was done editing our pics.
What do emos like to do when they're sad?
They play violin on their wrists.
Your momma is so old, when she went to the antique store, they wouldn't let her leave.
What happens when an emo goes to the grocery store? The cashier scans their wrist too.
Mother, father, and a son. Father purchased a robot that can detect lies. The robot slaps when you lie.
During dinner time: Father: Son, what have you done today? Son: I watched Netflix, Dad. Robot: Stood up and slapped the son! Son: Okay! Okay! I watched porn, Dad. Dad: What? You watched porn? You are only 14! I never knew porn till I was 18 years of age. Robot: Stood up and slapped the Dad! Mother: started to laugh and said, "Sure he is your son!" Robot: Stood up and slapped the mother!
Shrek once went to the movies and when he sat down he felt this slimy and sticky feeling on the chair, so he stood up and complained about his chair being dirty... until he realized that he forgot to wipe earlier... so he stopped complaining and went back to his chair and sat back down.