Whats jokes

So a lady was walking down the street with two bags, and one of the bags was leaking $100 bills. A cop pulls up and he says, “Ma’am, ma’am, your bag is leaking hundred dollar bills.” Then she says, “Oh, thank you. I wonder how long that’s been going on.” And the cop says, “Before I help you, may I ask why your bag is leaking $100 bills?” And the lady says, “OK, I’ll tell you. So I live next to a stadium, and I have this beautiful rose garden, but these dumb teenagers always try and pee on the rosebushes. So they stick their junk through the fence, and I grab their junk. I said, ‘$100 dollars or it’s coming off.’” The cop says, “Oh, OK, well what’s the other bag for?” And she says, “Well, not all of them want to give me $100.”

What does Stephen Hawking eat for breakfast? His shoulder.

A teacher asked her young students to get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it. The next day, the kids came back and one by one began to tell their stories. There were all the regular type of stuff.

But then the teacher realized that only Janie was left. "Janie, do you have a story to share?" "Yes madam... My daddy told me a story about my Mom." "OK, let’s hear,” said the teacher.

“My Mom was a Marine pilot in Operation Desert Storm in Iraq and her plane got hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had was a flask of whiskey, a pistol, and a survival knife. She drank the whiskey on the way down so the bottle wouldn’t break and then her parachute landed her right in the middle of 20 Iraqi troops.” “She shot 15 of them with the pistol, until she ran out of bullets, killed four more with the knife, till the blade broke, and then she killed the last Iraqi with her bare hands.”

Pin drop silence in the class!

"Good Heavens," said the horrified teacher, "What did your Daddy tell you was the moral to this horrible story?"

“Stay away from Mummy when she’s drunk...!!!”

What does the pedophile use for bait? Trix!

What's the best thing about 20-1 year olds... there's 20.

Two Native Americans

Unwittingly walk into a gay bar and sit down to order a pitcher of beer. As they're sitting there sucking back on their ale, a gay guy walks up and says, "How would you boys like a blow job?"

The one Indian stands up and decks the guy, knocking him unconscious. He then sits back down and finishes his beer.

His buddy looks over and says, "Hey Joe, what did you do that for?"

Joe replies, "Not sure but it was something about getting a job!"

What do you call an Indian lesbian? Minge-eater.

What's the difference between a Catholic priest and a pedophile? There isn't a difference.

What do you call two Mexicans having sex? 50 Shades of Brown.

What's the difference between a pile of 100 dead babies and a Mustang Challenger?

A Mustang Challenger doesn't exist.

What's a Mexican's favorite sport?

Cross country.

Somebody asked Rosa Parks what color the Skittles were, but she answered everything was black and white.

I asked this disabled kid what his favorite TV show is. He looked at me blankly and said "My favorite TV show is Vegetales."

What did Mother Mary say when God farted? Jesus Christ, you stink!

What does Jonathan Davis eat for breakfast?

Korn Flakes.

What's the best thing about dead baby jokes?

They never get old.

What is a cannibal's favorite dessert?

Brownies.

What soda do mountains drink? Mountain Dew.

What is the similarity between an anti-joke and a clown? Neither are funny.

What kind of file do you need to turn a 15 mm hole into a 40 mm hole? A pedophile.