Whats jokes
So Jesus has been nailed to the cross.
On the first day, he starts to moan, "Peter, Peter!"
Well, Peter hears Jesus moaning and feels it is important, so begins to go up the hill. On his way, he is met by some Roman soldiers and they proceed to beat his ass back down the hill.
On the second day, Peter hears Jesus moaning again, "Peter, Peter!"
Peter thinks to himself, this is important. He heads up the hill, fights past the first line, but gets a beatdown by the second group and back down the hill he goes.
On the third day, Peter is woken up by Jesus sounding very weak, but calling out, "Peter, Peter!"
Peter feels that whatever it is that Jesus needs him for must be very important. Peter heads up the hill, he is on a mission. He manages to fight his way thru three sets of Roman guards and make his way to the cross Jesus has been nailed to for three days. He looks up to Jesus and says, "Jesus, I have heard your calls, what is so important?"
Jesus- "Peter, I can see your house from here!"
A little boy and a little girl were taking a bath.
The little girl looked down and said, "What's that?"
"That's my little red sports car," said the little boy.
The little boy looked down and said, "What's that?"
"That's my little red sports car garage," said the little girl.
A few seconds later, the little girl said, "How about you put your little red sports car in my little red sports car garage?"
"Sure," said the little boy.
The little boy's mother was downstairs and heard this blood curdling scream. She ran upstairs. Once she got there, she saw blood all over the bathtub. "What happened?!" she said.
"Well, Johnny tried to put his little red sports car in my little red sports car garage...but it didn't fit...so I cut the back wheels off..."
What is the reason for why women never look to the right?
Because they don't have any rights.
What is Mr. Incredible's biggest fan now called? Down Syndrome :)
What do Asians and John Cena have in common? You can't see me!
Memes
What kind of jokes doesn’t work out?
Fat people jokes.
What did they find in Paul Walker's glovebox?
His head and shoulders.
What is an orphan's least favorite store?
Family Dollar, they just can’t seem to find one.
What do Orphans say on Father's Day?
Well, not "Happy Father's Day."
What is the difference between white people and Africans? The white people watch "The Hunger Games," the Africans live it.
What do birds and children have in common?
If you shoot them, they die.
What’s the difference between Hitler and a bug?
Nothing.
What do you call somebody in America that is smart?
An immigrant.
Everyone punch orphans. What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?
What do orphans and sperm donor kids have in common? They don't have dads.
What's the difference between family and cats...
Cats won't abuse you at Christmas.
What do orphans do after they win a game?
Nothing, they have no one to play games with.
Ol' Mate Shane Warne has sadly passed away. He was probably Australia's Greatest Ever Cricketer. RIP Ol' Mate Warney, died doing what you loved, having gay sex with men and doing cocaine! 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥
Like if you RIP Shane Warne 🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺
What does a woman call Stormzy in bed?
Stiff chocolate.
What do you call Nicki Minaj covered in glue?
Sticky Minaj.