Whats jokes
What do cheetahs do when they get a test?
They cheat!!!
What is red and green and goes 100 miles per hour?
A frog in a blender.
What's yellow all over and can't swim?
A school bus full of children.
What did the salad dressing say to the tomato?
"Don't look! I'm dressing!"
What song was played at the flatulent centenarian's birthday? Candle in the Wind!
What do you call a cow that doesn't produce any milk? An udder failure.
What’s the difference between a loser and a paper?
A girl actually dates the paper.
What's the difference between a plane and a woman?
At least the plane doesn't give you herpes when it crashes at your place.
What do Jim Kelly and Dick Cheney have in common?
They both make terrible hunters.
What is it called when you whoop a donkey?
A whooped ass and apparently some people get that everyday from their drunk dads.
What is the difference between a snowman and a snow girl?
Snowballs.
What do you call the bear that pushes all the other bears into the pool?
The dry bear.
What did the bus driver say to the nut 🥜?
"Where do you live?"
What is a difference between a tree and a car? A car 🚙 can drive and [a] tree 🌲 can not drive.
What is the difference between a tree 🌲 and a car 🚘?
A car can drive, and a tree 🌳 cannot drive.
What do you call a pig in a farm?
- A pig in a farm.
Once I told an abortion joke and this woman was like, "I've had an abortion, that's offensive." And I was like, "I just tell jokes, I think what you do is much worse."
What do you call a person whose Lymphoma keeps recurring?
A Lymphomaniac.
A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced 10 husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin."
"What?" said the puzzled groom. "How can that be if you've been married 10 times?"
"Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative. He kept telling me how great it was going to be. Husband #2 was in software services. He was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me. Husband #3 was from field services. He said everything checked out diagnostically, but he just couldn't get the system up. Husband #4 was in telemarketing. Even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver. Husband #5 was an engineer. He understood the basic process, but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method. Husband #6 was from finance and administration. He thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not. Husband #7 was in marketing. Although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it. Husband #8 was a psychologist. All he ever did was talk about it. Husband #9 was a gynecologist. All he did was look at it. Husband #10 was a stamp collector. All he ever did was... God! I miss him! But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!"
"Good," said the new husband, "but, why?"
"You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm going to get screwed!"
So, a bus crashes, killing everyone on the bus, and God feels so bad that He gives each one a wish.
The first person comes up, and she wants to be beautiful, so God makes her beautiful, and she goes into Heaven. The next person comes up, and he says, "I want to be beautiful as well." As this goes on, the last man in the back begins laughing a little, everyone becoming beautiful, until God asked the last person what they want, and he said, "I want everyone in front of me to be ugly again!" So God had to call the based department and gave him everything that last guy wanted.