Whats jokes
Person: What's your perfect date look like?
Me: Oh, just hanging around in a tree.
What do you call a bear with no teeth?
A gummy bear.
What will fall faster, an emo or an apple?
An apple, because the emo would get caught on the rope.
Wife: "How would you describe me?"
Husband: "ABCDEFGHIJK."
Wife: "What does that mean?"
Husband: "Adorable (A), beautiful (B), cute (C), delightful (D), elegant (E), fashionable (F), gorgeous (G), and hot (H)."
Wife: "Aw, thank you, but what about IJK?"
Husband: "I'm just kidding!"
What did the fish say before he hit the wall? -- "Oh, dam."
Movies now
What do you call a cow that doesn't give milk?
A milk dud!
What's the difference between a gay man and a refrigerator?
The fridge don't fart when you take your meat out.
What hangs low?
Balls.
What do you call a one-legged Asian?
Tie Won Shoo.
Once I said to an orphan, "What the 'F' means in 'orphan'?"
He replied, "There's no 'F'."
Me: "There's no family."
What is black and white and red all over? An exploding zebra!
What do you call sad coffee... deppresso!
What do suicidal people and apples have in common?
They both hang from trees.
What did the lawyer name his twins? COURTney and CASEy.
What is red and bad for your teeth?
A brick.
What kind of shoes does a kidnapper wear?
White vans.
What do you call Hitler when he gets thrown?
A gas grenade.
What kind of birthday cake do you get on September 11th?
Three small ones, so you can have a flight of different cake flavors!
Random guy: Hi, how old are you?
Me: 15
The guy: You're so young, age is just a number.
Me: Do you know what else is a number?
The guy: What?
Me: 911
What is saw and bleeding and covered in bruises?
Your mum.