Whats jokes
What's the difference between you and your sister?
Your dad.
What is the difference between the human and a tree and a house that has to walk home and walk walk home from school? Was your name in your house? I did not have any good time for dinner today, but I did have a good night's sleep.
A woman brought her hamster to the vet. The vet takes a look and concludes the hamster died.
The woman doesn't believe it and requests further investigation. So the vet lets in a Labrador. The dog sniffs around the hamster and shortly after he produces a sad whine, shakes his head and leaves the room with his tail low.
The woman, still not convinced, demands more examinations. The vet gets one of his cats. It walks around the hamster and pets it. After some time it shakes her head and runs off quickly.
"Fine, I believe you now," the woman says, "my beloved hamster is dead." "I'm sorry for your loss," the vet replies. "Your bill for this visit will be 1505 dollars," says the vet. "What? 1505 dollars just to tell me my hamster is dead?" The woman says shocked.
The vet replies: "No, 5 dollars to tell your hamster died, 500 dollars for the lab report and 1000 dollars for the CAT scan."
What's the second worst thing to happen to orphans?
They can't have sex.
"Why?"
Because they don't have anyone to call mommy or daddy.
Why are orphans bad at poker?
Because they don't know what a full house is!
What's Stephen Hawking's favorite type of car on fire? Hot wheels.
What do you call a bear with no teeth?
A gummy bear.
What do you call a dick that's too small to see?
Tick-tack dick.
What do pedophiles and Sandy Hook have in common? Shooting up schoolchildren.
What’s big, red, and eats rocks?
A big, red, rock eater.
What do leaves and suicidal people have in common? Nothing, one falls from the tree and one doesn't.
What do you call a woodpecker with no beak? A headbanger.
What's the difference between jam and jelly?
You can't jelly your dick into someone's asshole.
What's the useless skin around the vagina? A woman.
What do you call plane crash victims?
Down to earth people.
What color is your Bugatti?
What’s the difference between dead babies and a cat?
The cat is still alive.
What’s the difference between cat food and tonight’s dinner?
Nothing, it’s all just mystery meat.
What's the opposite of Christopher Walken?
Christopher Reeve.
What is the difference between a human and a tree? A human can walk, and a tree 🌳 cannot walk.
What do you call a black person scuba diving? A black diver (an armor set from DeepWoken). Did anyone laugh at that, or?? Augh, I guess I'm alone.