Whats jokes
What do you call an Iraqi swimming in the water?
A bath bomb.
What's an orphan's least favorite film? Family Guy.
What does one orphan say to another orphan on Opposite Day? "Do you want to go home?"
What did the pencil say to the sharpener? Please grind me!
What is the difference between Jesus and a painting of Jesus?
You’ll only need a single nail to hang the picture frame up.
Memes
What do you call a tent for lesbians?
Finger Hut.
What’s a reverse exorcism?
It’s when the demon tells the priest to get out of the child.
Q. What's the difference between an assassinated Healthcare CEO and Old Yeller?
A. I cried when they shot Old Yeller.
What do my parents have in common with Nemo? They can't be found.
What do you call a blowjob from a girl who has autism?
Special head.
What’s another term for a lesbian?
A vagetarian.
What do the Twin Towers and genders have in common?
There used to be two, but now it's a sore subject.
A wife asked her husband, "What do you like most in me, my pretty face or my sexy body?"
He looked at her from head to toe and replied, "I like your sense of humor!"
What's Michael Jackson's favorite thing to do when nobody's home?
Beat it.
A woman is slightly drunk, watching a video, when she yells at the screen, "Don't go into that church you dumb bitch!"
Her husband asks, "What are you watching?"
"Our wedding video."
What's the toughest stain to wash off a little boy's underpants?
Michael Jackson's lipstick.
What were the emo kid's pronouns?
Was/were.
What is the last thing you wanna see during a prostate exam?
The doctor taking off his watch.
(Bus Driver) What did you learn in school today?
(Kid) We learned that you are a sussy baka.
(Bus Driver) Oh yeah? Well, I quit!
(Kid) Quit what?
(Bus Driver) Living.
(Kid) But it was a joke!
(Bus Driver) Doesn't matter. I will die, but you will still be alive.
(Kid) Ok.
(Bus Driver) That was a joke, too!
A father is listening to his daughter say her prayers before bed. The daughter says, "God bless Mummy and God bless Daddy and God bless Grandma and good bye Grandad." The father says, "Good bye Grandad? Why is that?" The daughter says, "Just because I felt like it." The next day, Grandad drops dead.
The father can't believe the coincidence, but decided not to question it. That night, he listens to the daughter's prayers again. She says, "God bless Mummy and God bless Daddy and goodbye Grandma." The father is shocked again and asks his daughter why, but she says again, "Just because I felt like it." The next day, the Grandma drops dead and now the Father is getting worried but doesn't know what to do, so he tries to forget about it. That night, he listens to his daughter again and she says, "God bless Mummy and goodbye Daddy." The father is now terrified and goes to work the next day sweating, cancels all of his meetings, and hides in his office for the whole day. He doesn't go home and stays there until midnight. He's very surprised. 'I've cheated death!' he thinks to himself, then rushes home. His wife asks, "Where have you been?!" and the husband says, "Oh don't ask me any questions, today's been miserable." The wife replies, "Your days been miserable? Well, listen to my day! Firstly, the milk man drops dead on the porch..."