Whats jokes
"Lizzie Borden took an axe. And gave her mother forty whacks. When she saw what she had done, She gave her father forty-one."
Doctor: You need new glasses.
Patient: How'd you know? I haven't even told you what is wrong with me yet.
Doctor: I could tell as soon as you walked in through the window.
what kind of shoes are made of banana peels? slippers.
What do Time Clocks like to play?
Tick Tack Toe.
What did Steven Hawking say when the WiFi cut out?.........Nothing.
What does an orphan and a banana have in common? They both get split up.
A person asks a taxidermist what they do for a living. The taxidermist replies, "Oh, you know, stuff."
"Doctor, Doctor, I feel like a pair of curtains!" "What's wrong with me!" "Calm down, calm down. Just pull yourself together!"
What is a panda's favorite cooking implement?
A pan-duh.
What's brown and sounds like a bell?
Dung.
A woman is in the hospital giving birth. The doctor comes up to her afterwards.
Dr: "I'm sorry, I have good news and bad news."
Woman: "What's the bad news?"
Dr: "Your baby is Ginger!"
Woman: "Ok, so what's the good news?"
Dr: "It's dead!"
What do you call an arrow pointing the wrong way?
A Disap point ment.
What do you call a ghost bee?
Boobees.
Q. What's the difference between an assassinated Healthcare CEO and Old Yeller?
A. I cried when they shot Old Yeller.
What do you call a fat transgender midget?
Jigglypuff.
What do pretzels and a corrupt government have in common?
They are both twisted.
What kind of man would be a lesbian's best friend? A decimen.
Teacher: Hey Timmy (the quiet kid), what comes after X?
The quiet kid: Splosion.
Teacher: What comes after A?
The quiet kid: AK-47.
Teacher: Faints.
A woman is slightly drunk, watching a video, when she yells at the screen, "Don't go into that church you dumb bitch!"
Her husband asks, "What are you watching?"
"Our wedding video."
What do the Twin Towers and genders have in common?
There used to be two, but now it's a sore subject.