Whats jokes
Q: What do you call a Mexican that lost his car?
A: Carlos.
What do you call a 100-year-old frog?
An old croak!
What do you call a clever clock?
Clockwise.
"Doctor, Doctor, I feel like a pair of curtains!" "What's wrong with me!" "Calm down, calm down. Just pull yourself together!"
What is a panda's favorite cooking implement?
A pan-duh.
What's brown and sounds like a bell?
Dung.
What do you call a ghost bee?
Boobees.
What do you call a person who cares for chickens?
A chicken tender.
What movie do atheists watch for Christmas?
"Coincidence on 34th Street."
What's the worst thing about having a Congolese friend?
He always needs a hand.
A person asks a taxidermist what they do for a living. The taxidermist replies, "Oh, you know, stuff."
What does an orphan call a family photo?
A wishlist.
What's Michael Jackson's favorite thing to do when nobody's home?
Beat it.
What’s the difference between broccoli and little girls?
I don’t like the taste of broccoli.
What's the difference between me and a rope?
The rope doesn't hang from itself.
What's the difference between a Lamborghini and a dead body? I don't have a Lamborghini in my garage.
What’s the difference between air and a six year old?
Air has resistance.
(Bus Driver) What did you learn in school today?
(Kid) We learned that you are a sussy baka.
(Bus Driver) Oh yeah? Well, I quit!
(Kid) Quit what?
(Bus Driver) Living.
(Kid) But it was a joke!
(Bus Driver) Doesn't matter. I will die, but you will still be alive.
(Kid) Ok.
(Bus Driver) That was a joke, too!
A father is listening to his daughter say her prayers before bed. The daughter says, "God bless Mummy and God bless Daddy and God bless Grandma and good bye Grandad." The father says, "Good bye Grandad? Why is that?" The daughter says, "Just because I felt like it." The next day, Grandad drops dead.
The father can't believe the coincidence, but decided not to question it. That night, he listens to the daughter's prayers again. She says, "God bless Mummy and God bless Daddy and goodbye Grandma." The father is shocked again and asks his daughter why, but she says again, "Just because I felt like it." The next day, the Grandma drops dead and now the Father is getting worried but doesn't know what to do, so he tries to forget about it. That night, he listens to his daughter again and she says, "God bless Mummy and goodbye Daddy." The father is now terrified and goes to work the next day sweating, cancels all of his meetings, and hides in his office for the whole day. He doesn't go home and stays there until midnight. He's very surprised. 'I've cheated death!' he thinks to himself, then rushes home. His wife asks, "Where have you been?!" and the husband says, "Oh don't ask me any questions, today's been miserable." The wife replies, "Your days been miserable? Well, listen to my day! Firstly, the milk man drops dead on the porch..."
What does a noisy chilli do?
It gets jalapeno business.