Well jokes

Hey, how ya doin'?

Well I'm doin' just fine, I lied, I'm DEAD inside.

Don't tell me "it's gonna be alright," I've tried, but I can't fight like this.

Hey how ya doin', I'm tired but I'm trying to fight.

Did you hear about the Boston marathon? 'Cause, well, I heard it was a blast and that it blew everyone away!

An HDMI cable and an electrical outlet went on a date. It didn't go well, because they couldn't connect.

A man was taking a child into a dark forest.

The child said, "I'm scared!"

The man replied, "Well I have to walk home alone."

So, you're human, huh? Well, I'm a skeleton, so not much gets under my skin.

I once auditioned to be in Sausage Party. I thought I filled the role well.

Girl (on thirteenth birthday): Ma, why did papa leave?

Mother: Well, it started exactly 1 year and 189 days ago...

What did Jesus say when he was left hanging on the cross?

"Well this is one hell of a way to spend my Easter vacation!"

I was watching TV with my brother, and a diabetes commercial came on saying, "I have type one diabetes, and I manage it well."

My brother said, "You want a cookie?"

You need a good place to think? You can sit on my lap, and we’ll see the first thing that pops up!

One day my dog died because we couldn't find him. Then we got a cat on the same day. Then my cat went missing, and when I was crying, we heard our Asian neighbor was having a party. Then we went over and I saw my dog and cat on the grill, and they ate them in front of me, saying "yum yum doggy in my tummy and cat in my tummy as well."

Bully: I wouldn't bother wasting my time on a shit person like you.

Me: At least I have a brain unlike you.

Bully: Well at least I have a mom unlike you.

Me: Well your mom is so fat that she got stuck in her car and started bleeding Nutella?

Bully: How would you know that?

Me: Because she told me herself.

Bully: How exactly?

Me: She's on the phone right now.

Phone: *High pitched animal noises*

Me: Told you so!

What is the weirdest thing to wear and what is the weirdest thing to say?

Weirdest thing to ware: Socks with sandals, also with flip flops!

Weirdest thing to say: "Would you rather be a bath or a toilet?" "The blue angel sea slug looks like an alien." (weird).

Bonus: Things to ware with other things: Crop top with t-shirt (really hip), Crop top with tights or shorts, dresses with tights! (Cool) Oh well byeeeeeee!

Man: Did you know pidgins die after having sex?

Woman: No, really?

Man: Well, the one I fucked did...

My dad died, so I dug his grave. I was asked why I murdered him. I answered, "Guess we'll never know who did it because he dug his own grave." My father was William Afton.

Men and women are not equal, speaking biologically and mentally. I don't care what other feminists say. Men are naturally physically stronger, while women are more mentally stable (sometimes). The internet and the media will lie. You feminists say that you are stronger. Well, you wish. You can't hit a girl because she is more sensitive, but she says she is stronger. Like, what the hell?

We're not sexist men; you're sexist women. And BTW, you'll rot in hell for hating God's creation. And also, men were created before women. Search it up in the Bible or online.

Me and Jesus are really close; he even turns the light on for me when I go pee in the middle of the night. Well, that is what I thought until the fridge was wet.

Today, my family visited Disneyland. When we got to the hall of fame, I was shocked to find a statue of the BielefeldMan.

The tour guide said, "That’s Lewandisney. He owns the biggest collection of Disney TAP-INS and is a Mickey Mouse clubhouse member." Well done Lewandisney!

What is George Floyd's favorite song?

"Wishing Well" by Juice WRLD.

The view is so much better without those twins covering the city.

Well, that was a blow up!