Well Jokes

A guy dies and finds himself in Hell. Despondent, he sits on the ground and weeps uncontrollably. Demon: "Why so sad, my friend?"

Guy: "What do you think? I'm in hell!"

Demon: "Hell's not so bad. We actually have a lot of fun down here. You a drinkin' man?"

Guy: "Sure, I love to drink."

Demon: "Well, you're gonna love Mondays then. On Mondays, that's all we do, is drink. Whiskey, tequila, vodka, beer... We drink till we throw up and then drink some more."

Guy: "Gee, that sounds great!"

Demon: "You a smoker?"

Guy: "You better believe it."

Demon: "Alright! You're gonna love Tuesdays. We get the finest cigars from around the world and smoke our fucking lungs out. If you get cancer, it's ok, you're already dead!"

Guy: "Golly"

Demon: "I bet you like to gamble."

Guy: "Yes, as a matter of fact, I do."

Demon: "Good, because Wednesday is gambling day. Craps, blackjack, horse races, you name it."

Guy: "Wow."

Demon: "You like to do drugs?"

Guy: "Well, I love to do drugs. You don't mean..."

Demon: "That's right! Thursday is drug day. Help yourself to a great big bowl of crack. Smoke a joint the size of a submarine. You can do all the drugs you want, and if you overdose, it's ok... You're already dead!"

Guy: "Neat! I never realized hell was such a swingin' place!"

Demon: "You gay?"

Guy: "Uh, no."

Demon: "Ohhh... You're gonna hate Fridays...."

Well, I didn’t get as high as I wanted to, but I’m high enough that if I fall I’d probably break something.

There was a fire at my high school when I was in Year 7 - When the local newspaper interviewed my teacher, they asked her how she was seeing the 'bright side' of it. She said "Well, at least our new students got a warm welcome" 54 students died that day.

Girl: 'When we get married, I want to share all your worries, troubles and lighten your burden.'

Boy: 'It's very kind of you, darling, but I don't have any worries or troubles.'

Girl: 'Well that's because we aren't married yet.'

Well, we started off by ripping up ALL of the decking..

Abandon ship!

I forgot what a boomerang was oh well it’ll come back to me

Have you watched the the show Naked and Afraid? Well, I play it every Saturday with my uncle.

The patient said when will this be over? "The doctor said after you die." The patient says "was that a morbid joke." The doctor says "well um actually you'll die because we broke the needles and the cure." The patient says "well its a bright day maybe if you weren't clumsy."

Teacher: what’s 2+2

Jimmy: 2+2=feEesh

Teacher: well jimmy I can see your going places not college but places

(1968)- Hellen Keller died didn’t you hear? No? Well neither did she..

man: why cant an orphan use Verizon? kid: i dont know why man: cause they have a family plan kid: well i need to get another phone service now

I was walking with my black best friend and he was meeting my parents and after I got there they said who’s this? I said well I own him

Well I saw a stripper and she was try out bread

A man tried to tame a horse, but always failed. The news spread around town that this man couldn’t tame one single horse. One day, the man went to a bar, where a fairly old man sat next to him. “Well parter!” He began. “I guess your dream horse is more of a NIGHT-MARE!”

You know they say, when you get lemos make lemonade...Well i took that a little bit too literal

Turns out squeezing your wife's tits as hard as you can hurts them.

But at least lemonade came out!

Knock Knock “who’s there?” A man with a drum “well tell him to beat it!

If someone says nobody asked you could say " well nobody asked for you to talk".

Ever had that feeling that suicidal people are a big contributor to the razor blade industry? Well they aren't. Why? They aren't repeated customers.

tell the person next to spell "me". When they do, say, "you forgot the D". They should respond with, "There is no D in ME." You say, "not yet". if this does not go as planned, well, then you are fucked for life.

i would say a 9/11 joke but it wouldnt land well