Water jokes

What does a killer say in the shower in the morning?

- Splish splash, I'm gonna slash...

What's the only gun that doesn't exist in Africa?

A water gun.

Two fish were swimming in a stream when it began to rain. "Quick, let's swim under that bridge, otherwise we will get wet!"

Why was the sand wet? Because the sea weed!

Have you heard about the lemming that jumped off a cliff into an ocean?

I heard it was because of pier pressure.

Me (an adult) with my girl going to a nice restaurant, I asked the waiter, "People under 12 eat free, right?" The waiter confirmed that yes, people under 12 eat free, then my girlfriend said, "But I'm 13."

Police arrested a man who dropped his phone in the ocean. The was charged with a salt in battery.

Why did little Timmy dip the cookie in water?

"Because his dad never brought the milk."

Two scientists walk into a bar. The first one asks for a glass of H2O. The second one asks for a glass of H2O, too. The second one dies. Why?

Fishermen are the best at networking.

How do you drown a blonde? You tape a mirror to the bottom of a 13-foot deep pool.

What did one fish say to the other?

Keep your mouth shut and you'll never get caught.

Kid. What is an orphan's favorite breakfast?

Teacher. What?

Kid. Fruity pebbles with water.

Teacher. Why water?

Kid. Cause his dad never came back with the milk.

Jack and Jill went up a hill to fetch a pal of water. Me: incorrect, two pals of water, one to refresh from running up a hill and the one you went to get. I’m sick af from these stories.

Why did the octopus cross the road?

To get to the other TIDE!!! 🤣🐙🐙

There was a race between Lettuce, a faucet, and Ketchup. The lettuce was a-head, the faucet was still running, and the ketchup was trying to ketchup.

Vladimir Putin, Donald Trump, and Angela Merkel are standing at the shore and are trying to impress each other with the accomplishments of their countries. Putin brags, "We have nuclear submarines which can stay underwater for six weeks without having to resurface!". Trump goes on, "Six weeks? That's nothing. I have the best submarines, they're underwater für at least three months!". Merkel is about to respond, when a giant steel colossus emerges from the sea. A hatch opens, a black uniform appears - "Heil Hitler! We need Diesel."

Who led the Israelites through the semipermeable membrane?

Osmoses.

I saw my wife at the dam yesterday, which sucks because I wanted her to flow further down.

I brought a new pen that can write underwater. It can also write other words.