Have you heard about the lemming that jumped off a cliff into an ocean?
I heard it was because of pier pressure.
Me (an adult) with my girl going to a nice restaurant, I asked the waiter, "People under 12 eat free, right?" The waiter confirmed that yes, people under 12 eat free, then my girlfriend said, "But I'm 13."
Police arrested a man who dropped his phone in the ocean. The was charged with a salt in battery.
Why did little Timmy dip the cookie in water?
"Because his dad never brought the milk."
Fishermen are the best at networking.
Two scientists walk into a bar. The first one asks for a glass of H2O. The second one asks for a glass of H2O, too. The second one dies. Why?
Jack and Jill went up a hill to fetch a pal of water. Me: incorrect, two pals of water, one to refresh from running up a hill and the one you went to get. Iβm sick af from these stories.
How do you drown a blonde? You tape a mirror to the bottom of a 13-foot deep pool.
Why did the octopus cross the road?
To get to the other TIDE!!! π€£ππ
There was a race between Lettuce, a faucet, and Ketchup. The lettuce was a-head, the faucet was still running, and the ketchup was trying to ketchup.
I brought a new pen that can write underwater. It can also write other words.
I saw my wife at the dam yesterday, which sucks because I wanted her to flow further down.
Who led the Israelites through the semipermeable membrane?
Osmoses.
Why did the ocean break up with the pond?
Because the pond was too shallow.
What are fish not allowed to have?
Seaweed.
Why does an orphan use water for his cereal?
He is waiting for his dad with the milk.
What do you call a virgin lying on a waterbed?
A cherry float.
Jack and Jill went up the hill to have some hankery panky.
Silly Jill forgot her pill,
And now there's little Frankey.
Why do scuba divers fall backwards off of the boat?
Because if they fell forward, they'd still be on the boat.
I heard a neat little trick you can use to have a public pool all to yourself. If you blow a whistle 3 times, everyone will just get out!
