Water jokes
What did the fish say to the other fish?
"I want my life to be H2O-ver!"
What did one poop say to the other poop? What's the matter? You look flushed!
What do you call a special ed class that’s flooded?
Vegetable soup.
What do you call an old snowman that survived till summer?...
Water... yup, water...
What if the ocean just raided Titanic of its people? Like instead of it flooding, it was raiding it and threatened the passengers if they told, so they just said an iceberg flooded the ship.
"Look, Ma! I peed in the pool!"
How to get rid of non-vaccinators: call water a "dehydration vaccine."
What did the egg say to the boiling water?
It might take a while for me to get hard because I just got laid last night.
My late grandpa was always popular with women. One day, before he died, I asked him what his secret was. He said, "I inherited a watering hole."
Bewildered, I replied, "What does that have to do with anything?"
"I could easily get anyone wet because I was well endowed."
How many degrees does it take to change ice into boiling water?
199, because the difference between -100 and +100 is 199 (excluding the zero, because it's not real and it doesn't exist because it's not real).
Get?
How does water say hi?
It waves.
What’s the difference between Texas and Flint, Michigan?
Nothing; no one cares how much lead is in the kids.
Two boys were at a lake, and they went to a bush and saw a naked lady.
One ran away, the other one followed the one who ran and asked why he ran. The boy answered, "My mum told me if I saw a naked lady I would turn to stone. I ran away because I felt something get hard."
In memory of Michael Jackson, Starbucks and various other establishments are introducing the Jackson tea. It's 50 year old water, with a 7 year old tea bag.
Why did the white girl come back from Africa?
Because there was no water for her to drink. I'm black.
Three vampires walk into a bar. The first one orders a Bloody Mary. The second orders a Bloody Mary. The bartender turns to the third and asks, “A Bloody Mary?”
The vampire shakes his head. “Hot water for me.”
“Hot water?”
“I found a tampon out back and want to make tea.”
What do Stephen Hawking and the Wicked Witch have in common?
If you throw water over them, they both die...
I went fishing while watching porn, and my girlfriend said, "Well, you want my fish?" and I said, "But you're not in the water."
What's the difference between the Titanic and Georgie from "It"?
Georgie floated!
What runs but does not walk? It's water.