Vs jokes

What's the difference between your birth and 9/11?

One was planned.

What’s the difference between a baby and a sandwich?

You don’t have sex with a sandwich before you eat it.

What's the difference between an apple and an orphan?

Apples get picked.

What's the difference between the milkman and my dad?

Nothing, they are both one thing except he never returns with milk.

(I've been eating cereal with water COMBINATION!)

I don't get why it is called abortion instead of murder.

What is the difference between an illegal immigrant and E.T.?

E.T. eventually went home!

There's nothing stronger than love, except for an M32 Rotary Grenade Launcher because fuck you and everyone near you.

What’s the difference between depression and your ex?

Depression fucks you harder.

What's the difference between a seal and a special kid?

They both go: "Uh! Uh! Uh! Uh! Uh! Uh! Uh! Uh!"

I hate it when you say your life is a joke because a joke actually has meaning.

What is the difference between the pizza guy and my dad?

The pizza guy shows up when you call him.

What’s the difference between a pickpocket and a peeping tom?

One snatches your watch. The other watches your snatch.

On Paxomedy channel, I made a video of a Rooster and a dog fighting.

I needed to know why they were fighting. Once I dug down into the issue, it turned out that the Dog called the Rooster a Cock, and the Rooster laughed and called the Dog a useless Bitch, and that was the beginning of their fight, and weird enough, the Cock won!

I went to congratulate the winner, but he thought he was insulting me by calling me Zinjathropus, but I said that was a compliment because Zinja was an old skeleton found in Africa, and I am African. I said to the Rooster he shouldn't have fought with the dog just because he called him a Cock. He said that being called a Cock is a compliment, and the fighting was his exercise to toughen up for serious fights with Dogs!

"What's the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One weighs a ton, and the other is a little lighter!"

My husband asked me to get 6 cans of Sprite at the store. I realized when I got home that I had picked 7-Up.

What's the difference between a baby and a bowling ball?

A bowling ball doesn't cry when you put your fingers in it.

What’s the difference between Anne Frank and Harry Potter?

Only one came out of the chamber.

What's the difference between jelly and jam? You can't jelly a clown into the tiny car.

It’s important to establish a good vocabulary.

If I had known the difference between the words “antidote” and “anecdote,” one of my best friends would still be alive.

We say “Father, I have sinned,” because it would be weird if we said, “Daddy, I have sinned,” right?

“Forgive me, Daddy, for my transgressions!” We say the “Our Father,” not the “Our Daddy.”