Violence jokes
Today I donated my watch, phone, and $500 to a poor guy.
You wouldn’t believe the happiness I felt as he slid the pistol back into his pocket.
*School shooting happens* Foreign exchange student: *Sobbing under desk* American student: "First time?"
You find yourself stuck in a hole with a murderer, a rapist, and a lawyer. You're armed, but you only have 2 bullets left. What do you do?
Shoot the lawyer. Twice.
What does a cannibal do after eating its vegetables?
Sells the wheelchair.
What's worse than getting raped in a cemetery? Finding someone else's semen in your mom's corpse.
The kids at Robb Elementary School went in to read books. Instead, they got dozens of magazines.
Bf: "Roses are red, violets are blue, you're my bf and I luv you."
Gf: "I luv u too."
Bf: "But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, I heard you were cheating, I'll knock off your head."
Gf: "Ah, about that..."
What's black, white, and red all over?
A nun in a blender.
What do people have a shot at when it comes to love? Shooting them in the heart.
How do make an adult cry?
Stab him 10000 times until the floors are red with human blood.
If you're bored, punch an orphan.
What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?
What do you do when you're bored?
Beat up an orphan, what are they going to do, tell their parents?
My new girlfriend is a porn star. She would probably kill me if she found out.
When the school shooter gets killed and everyone is cheering, but you walk toward his gun; "I will finish what you started."
I'm Black, when a cop sees me, he shoots.
What’s worse than nailing 10 babies to 1 tree?
Nailing 1 baby to 10 trees.
What does the cannibal get after a one night stand?
Breakfast in bed!
The poacher agrees but says that his assistant is ill and will need the man to come with him in his assistant's place. The man agrees, and so the poacher goes out to the jungle with the man.
The poacher brings a pair of handcuffs, a long stick, a shotgun, and a dog. They search through the jungle for about an hour and then spot a male gorilla above in the treetops.
The man asks the poacher what the plan is. The poacher replies, "I'm going to climb the tree and, when I get close enough, I'm going to start poking the gorilla with the stick until it falls out of the tree.
The dog is a specially trained dog. When the gorilla falls out of the tree, the dog will try to bite off the gorilla's balls. When the gorilla moves its hands to protect its balls, you put the handcuffs on it."
This all seems to make sense to the man, but he has one question. "What is the shotgun for?" he asks the poacher. The poacher responds: "If I fall out of the tree before the gorilla, shoot the dog."
Due to the rising cost of ammunition, there will be no warning shots.
If you see a woman get raped, don't bother helping. After all, they are independent and need no man.
Cheer on the rapist if you want.