Violence jokes

I was in an argument with a "friend" at school. He said, "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me."

...so I threw a dictionary at him.

what's the difference between a baby and an onion?

I cry when I chop up an onion.

I hate two-faced people because I don't know which face to slap first.

Remember, kids: the school shooter can't get you if YOU are the shooter.

What did the rapist say to his victim?

"Go ahead, call the police. We will see who comes first."

I'll never forget my grandma's last words, "What are you doing in here with that hammer?"

What do you call an autistic kid with a gun? Special Forces.

Never break someone’s heart, they only have one.

Break their bones instead, they have 206 of them.

I just found out my ex got stabbed today... let's just say I lost my job as a butcher.

What's the only time you can do almost whatever you want?

When you have a gun in your hand.

Roses are red, violets are blue, I buttfucked Scooby Doo.

Helen Keller picked up a cheese grater, it was the most violent story she'd ever read.

How many babies does it take to paint a wall?

Depends on how hard you throw them.

What do Catholic priests and school shooters have in common?

They both like to dump their loads into little kids.

You call it a tragedy. I call it a 25 killstreak.

So I was sitting on the couch with a woman, and I asked her, "Does this napkin smell like chloroform?"

I was in school yesterday and I saw this emo kid with a new cut, so I said, "I like ya cut g." And I slapped him. I don't know why I got in so much trouble. All I did was slap his wrist.

When the school shooter walks by the emo kid and doesn’t feel his gun anymore.

My friend loves playing Roulette, so I figured I would introduce him to Russian Roulette. Blew his mind.

My favorite sex position is the JFK. I splatter all over her while she screams and tries to get out of the car.