Violence jokes
What’s the difference between a police man and a bullet?
At least when a bullet kills someone, it’s actually fired.
Columbine High basketball team will never be good again after they lost their two best shooters.
My friend: Hey, I got 15 kills!
Me: I got 60 kills!
My friend: I didn't know you played Call of Duty!
Me: What's Call of Duty?
If you want to punch someone, just punch an orphan. What are they gonna do, tell their parents?
If you're ever bored, just punch an orphan.
What are they gonna tell their parents?
Roses are red, My cat try to kill your next >:)
How do Americans learn the metric system?
9mm at a time. The problem is sometimes it goes straight through their heads.
Your soul is black. I have 4 guns, little kid. Get in the van before I shoot you!
One of my earliest memories is seeing my mother's face through the oven window as we played hide and seek, and she said: "You're getting warmer!"
I pushed the disabled kid into a fire, then called him "Hot Wheels."
I went to school and everyone was screaming and looking at me. They weren't after I shot them, though.
Why did a school shooter get banned from a game server?
He was caught aimbotting.
I threw a kid in a wheelchair into a fire... I called him hot wheels.
How many babies does it take to paint a wall red?
It depends how hard you throw them.
Chuck Norris strangled someone with a cordless phone.
Hitler was talking about how to fight in WW2 when someone sneezed while Hitler was giving a speech, so Hitler yelled, "WHO SNEEZED ROW 1? DID ANYONE SNEEZE?" They said no, and Hitler shot everybody. Same for row 2 & 3, but in row 4 someone nervous said, "Me, I'm sorry." Then Hitler said, "Bless you."
Billy and Bobby were walking to school one day. Billy pulled out an mp3 player.
"What's that?" Bobby inquired.
"Oh, just something to zone out the other kids," Billy responded.
The next day, Billy and Bobby were walking to school. Billy rummaged through his backpack and pulled out an mp4 player this time.
"Woah! What's that?" Bobby inquired.
"Oh, just a lil something to shut out the annoying kids at school," Billy responded.
The next day, Bobby noticed Billy's backpack was particularly heavy looking. Billy rummaged through his backpack just outside the school and pulled out an mp5 rifle.
"Holy shit, dude! What the fuck is that for?" Bobby gasped.
"Nice huh? This'll shut those fuckers up for good!" Billy replied.
I took my mother-in-law out today...
I love being a sniper.
I was having a party in my basement, and my friend asked me what that bag covered in blood was for. I said, "Oh, that's the bag I catch the children with to torture them in this basement."
LMAO, what is the difference between an orphan and a watermelon?
One's fun to hit with a sledgehammer, the other's just a watermelon.