Violence jokes

I hate two-faced people because I don't know which face to slap first.

What do you call an autistic kid with a gun? Special Forces.

Remember, kids: the school shooter can't get you if YOU are the shooter.

What did the rapist say to his victim?

"Go ahead, call the police. We will see who comes first."

I'll never forget my grandma's last words, "What are you doing in here with that hammer?"

Helen Keller picked up a cheese grater, it was the most violent story she'd ever read.

Never break someone’s heart, they only have one.

Break their bones instead, they have 206 of them.

What do Catholic priests and school shooters have in common?

They both like to dump their loads into little kids.

I just found out my ex got stabbed today... let's just say I lost my job as a butcher.

What's the only time you can do almost whatever you want?

When you have a gun in your hand.

You call it a tragedy. I call it a 25 killstreak.

Roses are red, violets are blue, I buttfucked Scooby Doo.

What's worse than 10 babies nailed to a tree? 1 baby, nailed to 10 trees.

How many babies does it take to paint a wall?

Depends on how hard you throw them.

What's the cool thing about bringing a pack of gum or a shotgun to school?

When you pull one out everybody wants to be your friend. :)

When the school shooter walks by the emo kid and doesn’t feel his gun anymore.

I was in school yesterday and I saw this emo kid with a new cut, so I said, "I like ya cut g." And I slapped him. I don't know why I got in so much trouble. All I did was slap his wrist.

So I was sitting on the couch with a woman, and I asked her, "Does this napkin smell like chloroform?"

My friend loves playing Roulette, so I figured I would introduce him to Russian Roulette. Blew his mind.

My favorite sex position is the JFK. I splatter all over her while she screams and tries to get out of the car.