Violence jokes
How do you make a mime cry?
You kill his family right in front of his stupid face.
What happens when you hear about Mary Brittain beating a Thomas?
You cook spaghetti with his blood!
Mom, where are we going?
To your grandma's funeral.
Yeah, 'cause I 360 no-scoped that b*tch in the face.
Why did a school shooter get banned from a game server?
He was caught aimbotting.
What's the funniest thing about being ringside at a UFC fight? When you look around and all of the spectators are wearing white gowns and fuzzy socks, and you realize you aren't at a UFC event, you're watching your fellow patients fight to the death at a psychiatric facility.
True love 😂
One of my earliest memories is seeing my mother's face through the oven window as we played hide and seek, and she said: "You're getting warmer!"
A special quote: “I was gonna slap that girl into tomorrow!”
What's a crazy man's favorite phrase when he has a knife?
"Freak out!"
How did Rihanna find out Chris Brown was cheating on her? She found another woman's lipstick on his knuckles.
Bro, I was told that "LMAO" meant launching missiles at orphanages. Well, I LMAOed. I don't think they are ever gonna see their parents again.
How many dead babies does it take to paint a wall?
Depends on how hard you throw 'em.
Where did little billy go when he was stuck in a minefield... everywhere.
That joke was pretty dark, but it got pretty light for a second.
How it be when the new guy takes too long...
Hay Danny, it's me Johnny.
Johnny: Boss says to kill the guy in red. Point the gun at his head.
Danny: Ok, target locked. 3... 2... 1... bang.
Johnny: Danny, hope you did not get the man in red.
Danny: OH MY BRO FOR REALL.
Why are black men's eyes always red after sex?
From the mace.
What are three things the Twin Towers have in common with my dad? They are big, sexy, and smashed your mom.
What do you do to a deaf girl after you’re done fucking her?
Break her fingers so she can’t tell anyone.
A school shooter enters a kindergarten classroom. Little Timmy says, “He’s my daddy!”
The teacher, Mr. Mortez, screams. Little Timmy then says, “Mr. Mortez, my daddy says you’re a big fat whale and he wants to roll you all the way to Canada!” *pushes Mr. Mortez* Little Timmy says, “Hail f**king Canada!”
I just competed in a wrestling tournament. The first guy hit me harder than my dad’s belt.
My therapist told me time heals wounds, so I stabbed him, and now we wait.
Did you hear what happened to Lorainna Bobbit? She was in an accident on the Garden State Parkway. She told the State Police Officer, "That some dick cut her off."