Violence jokes
POV: The quiet kid starts playing "Pumped Up Kicks" in the parking lot before school.
:me😐
Win a free ride in a police car! Just pick up a knife and use it!
If Will Smith had a revolver and said, "Who fucked my wife?" Chris Rock would say, "You don't have enough bullets, mate."
What's black, white, and red all over?
A nun in a blender.
Why did the terrorists crash?
They were doing the job they loved but not getting paid.
Lol.
dark humor lightens my mood (or not…)
Today I donated my watch, phone, and $500 to a poor guy.
You wouldn’t believe the happiness I felt as he slid the pistol back into his pocket.
How do you make a cat say woof? You cover it in petrol and light a match.
I was just informed that my ex was stabbed yesterday. Let's just say I quit my job as a butcher.
What does a gas grenade and a baby have in common?
They both squeal when you throw them.
Don't break girls' hearts. Break their legs instead. They're two.
I wish I was at a Western bar; then I would get shot.
What do you call an orphan with a gun?
(No) home shooter.
Hello, anybody, I've just shot somebody. I did it on purpose.
When the guy came in with a gun to rob the store, I said: "Hey, can I borrow that?"
He says "yes." Me, over here, walking to the cashier and saying: "Goodbye!" He screams: "Have mercy!"
I say: "No, not to you, to me. Say goodbye." He says: "No, don't shoot yourself!" It was too late.
"Hola, soy Dora. Do you see the cliff? Say, "backpack." Tell her that we need Amanda. While I push her off the cliff, you will not peek. Did you just peek? Close your eyes, you silly goose." The end.
God bless the shooting that happened.
What do you call a terrorist in a wheelchair?
This car in RC-XD.
Imagine a white van. Now imagine a white guy in the driver seat with a sombrero on and his arm out the window, and on the side of the van it says "Free Candy." But there's blood all over the van and a dead clown in the back.
Q: How do you know when someone is an opposition leader to Putin?
A: When they are falling from their balcony.
My dad tells me and my sister to stop arguing, so she elbowed me in my damn nose.