Violence jokes

What is the difference between a coconut and your ex?

One is fun to knock down by throwing rocks at, the other one is a coconut.

In Saudi Arabia, our pick up lines are, "Girl, are you a terrorist? Cuz you da bomb."

My friend loves playing Roulette, so I figured I would introduce him to Russian Roulette. Blew his mind.

Do you want to know how to make a Smurf? CHOKE A MIDGET!

People judge me because I'm quiet.

No one plans a massacre out loud.

What’s the difference between an orphan and a watermelon? One of them is fun to hit with a sledge hammer and the other one is just a watermelon.

What's red and green and goes 100 miles per hour? A frog in a blender.

What's the difference between a shooter and a bullied autistic kid? It depends on who's shooting.

What's green then red all over and goes 100mph?

A frog in a blender.

Today, I learned that a group of piranhas can maul a small child down to the bone in under 20 seconds. Well, I lost my job at the aquarium today.

A husband got a message from his neighbor one day. It read, "Hey, I'm sorry I had to tell you like this but I have been doing your wife for months now." The husband went to go grab his gun and shot his wife. He hid the evidence and a few hours later he got another message from his neighbor saying, "Sorry, meant using your wifi."

What do 9 out of 10 people enjoy?

Gang rape.

What can you say to make a rape victim feel better?

"It will be over soon."

What's worse than 10 babies nailed to a tree? 1 baby, nailed to 10 trees.

A man asks a woman, "Are you a school?"

The woman replies, "No, why?"

The man says, "Oh, I wanted to shoot my kid inside of you."

How do you circumcise someone from Alabama?

Kick his sister's jaw.

I wanted to solve teen suicide, so I shot up a middle school.

I saw identical twins. I threw a paper plane at them.

You know what the worst thing about gang rape is?

Having to wait your turn.

I was going to kill them with kindness, but then I realized using a knife is a lot faster.