My favorite sex position is the JFK. I splatter all over her while she screams and tries to get out of the car.
What do Catholic priests and school shooters have in common?
They both like to dump their loads into little kids.
What is the difference between a coconut and your ex?
One is fun to knock down by throwing rocks at, the other one is a coconut.
My friend loves playing Roulette, so I figured I would introduce him to Russian Roulette. Blew his mind.
In Saudi Arabia, our pick up lines are, "Girl, are you a terrorist? Cuz you da bomb."
People judge me because I'm quiet.
No one plans a massacre out loud.
Do you want to know how to make a Smurf? CHOKE A MIDGET!
What’s the difference between an orphan and a watermelon? One of them is fun to hit with a sledge hammer and the other one is just a watermelon.
What's red and green and goes 100 miles per hour? A frog in a blender.
What's the difference between a shooter and a bullied autistic kid? It depends on who's shooting.
Today, I learned that a group of piranhas can maul a small child down to the bone in under 20 seconds. Well, I lost my job at the aquarium today.
A husband got a message from his neighbor one day. It read, "Hey, I'm sorry I had to tell you like this but I have been doing your wife for months now." The husband went to go grab his gun and shot his wife. He hid the evidence and a few hours later he got another message from his neighbor saying, "Sorry, meant using your wifi."
What do 9 out of 10 people enjoy?
Gang rape.
What's green then red all over and goes 100mph?
A frog in a blender.
What is red and white and goes 200 mph?
A baby in a blender.
A man asks a woman, "Are you a school?"
The woman replies, "No, why?"
The man says, "Oh, I wanted to shoot my kid inside of you."
How do you circumcise someone from Alabama?
Kick his sister's jaw.
I wanted to solve teen suicide, so I shot up a middle school.
I saw identical twins. I threw a paper plane at them.
What can you say to make a rape victim feel better?
"It will be over soon."
