My favorite sex position is the JFK. I splatter all over her while she screams and tries to get out of the car.
What is red and white and goes 200 mph?
A baby in a blender.
What do Catholic priests and school shooters have in common?
They both like to dump their loads into little kids.
What is the difference between a coconut and your ex?
One is fun to knock down by throwing rocks at, the other one is a coconut.
In Saudi Arabia, our pick up lines are, "Girl, are you a terrorist? Cuz you da bomb."
My friend loves playing Roulette, so I figured I would introduce him to Russian Roulette. Blew his mind.
Do you want to know how to make a Smurf? CHOKE A MIDGET!
People judge me because I'm quiet.
No one plans a massacre out loud.
What’s the difference between an orphan and a watermelon? One of them is fun to hit with a sledge hammer and the other one is just a watermelon.
What's red and green and goes 100 miles per hour? A frog in a blender.
What's the difference between a shooter and a bullied autistic kid? It depends on who's shooting.
What's green then red all over and goes 100mph?
A frog in a blender.
Today, I learned that a group of piranhas can maul a small child down to the bone in under 20 seconds. Well, I lost my job at the aquarium today.
A husband got a message from his neighbor one day. It read, "Hey, I'm sorry I had to tell you like this but I have been doing your wife for months now." The husband went to go grab his gun and shot his wife. He hid the evidence and a few hours later he got another message from his neighbor saying, "Sorry, meant using your wifi."
What do 9 out of 10 people enjoy?
Gang rape.
What's worse than 10 babies nailed to a tree? 1 baby, nailed to 10 trees.
A man asks a woman, "Are you a school?"
The woman replies, "No, why?"
The man says, "Oh, I wanted to shoot my kid inside of you."
How do you circumcise someone from Alabama?
Kick his sister's jaw.
I wanted to solve teen suicide, so I shot up a middle school.
What can you say to make a rape victim feel better?
"It will be over soon."
