Violence jokes

I opened a company selling landmines disguised as prayer mats. Prophets are going through the roof.

1 like = 1 more child in my blender.

A man with a gun goes into a bank and demands money.

Once he is given the money, he turns to a customer and asks, "Did you see me rob this bank?"

The man replied, "Yes sir, I did."

The robber shot him in the head, killing him instantly.

He then turned to a couple standing next to him and asked the man, "Did you see me rob this bank?"

The man replied, "No sir, I didn't, but my wife did!"

It's sad how families can be torn apart from something as simple as wild dogs.

How do you make any salad into a caesar salad?

Stab it twenty-three times.

I was walking down the street one day and I passed the gun store. I walked in and everything was half off. I didn't know back to school sales had started already.

What do babies and grenades have in common? They both make a loud noise when thrown.

What's the difference between Chris Brown and Santa?

Santa stops at 3 hoes.

Why are so many Americans stupid? Because they shoot the ones that go to school.

*School shooting happens*

Foreign exchange student: *Sobbing under desk*

American student: "First time?"

Want to know why parents don't get school shooting jokes?

Because they are aimed at a younger audience.

If an illegal immigrant fights against a child molester, would that be "Alien vs Predator"?

If you had 10 chicken nuggets and Jimmy tried to steal one, what would you have?

10 chicken nuggets and a dead Jimmy.

Where did Sally go during the bombing?

Everywhere.

A wife is like a grenade. Pull the ring and the house is gone.

A guy walks into a bar with a revolver and yells, "WHO THE F*** F***ED MY WIFE!" A man in the back responds, "YOU AIN'T GOT ENOUGH BULLETS MATE!"

Walked in to a gun store, everything was half off.

I didn't know back-to-school shopping started.

I like my Oreos how I like my victims... Drowning.

What turns red, blue then white? The last person that I'd strangle.

My therapist told me that time heals all wounds. So I stabbed him, now we wait.