Violence jokes
What was the last thing to run through Osama bin Laden's mind? Probably a bullet.
I opened a company selling landmines disguised as prayer mats. Prophets are going through the roof.
A man with a gun goes into a bank and demands money.
Once he is given the money, he turns to a customer and asks, "Did you see me rob this bank?"
The man replied, "Yes sir, I did."
The robber shot him in the head, killing him instantly.
He then turned to a couple standing next to him and asked the man, "Did you see me rob this bank?"
The man replied, "No sir, I didn't, but my wife did!"
It's sad how families can be torn apart from something as simple as wild dogs.
How do you make any salad into a caesar salad?
Stab it twenty-three times.
I was walking down the street one day and I passed the gun store. I walked in and everything was half off. I didn't know back to school sales had started already.
What do babies and grenades have in common? They both make a loud noise when thrown.
What's the difference between Chris Brown and Santa?
Santa stops at 3 hoes.
*School shooting happens*
Foreign exchange student: *Sobbing under desk*
American student: "First time?"
Why are so many Americans stupid? Because they shoot the ones that go to school.
Want to know why parents don't get school shooting jokes?
Because they are aimed at a younger audience.
What’s the difference between a bullet and a Jew?
One comes out of the chamber.
If you had 10 chicken nuggets and Jimmy tried to steal one, what would you have?
10 chicken nuggets and a dead Jimmy.
The USA guaranteeing freedom of speech is the biggest joke I've heard... Tell that to the people who were almost killed because their cars had "NASCAR Sucks" and "Country and Western is rubbish" on them!
If an illegal immigrant fights against a child molester, would that be "Alien vs Predator"?
Where did Sally go during the bombing?
Everywhere.
A wife is like a grenade. Pull the ring and the house is gone.
A guy walks into a bar with a revolver and yells, "WHO THE F*** F***ED MY WIFE!" A man in the back responds, "YOU AIN'T GOT ENOUGH BULLETS MATE!"
What turns red, blue then white? The last person that I'd strangle.
I like my Oreos how I like my victims... Drowning.