Violence jokes
How many gangsters does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
35! Do you have a problem with that?
A man walked into a bar with an AK-47 with a 50-round mag and yelled out, "Who the fuck fucked my wife?" Everyone was quiet.
One man at the back stood up and called, "Sorry mate, but I don't think you have enough bullets."
How many dead babies does it take to paint a wall?
Depends on how hard you throw 'em.
My wife told me to pass her some chapstick, but then I realized she hasnāt talked to me in a month, then remembering I gave her super glue.........ehh Iām done with her big ass mouth.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Answer:
The man said, "He's going to rape the people on the side of the road."
Memes
I was walking to the park and a mystery killer came and shot me.
GUY 1: How many babies does it take to paint a wall red?
GUY 2: Depends on how hard you throw them.
That one person who can never bring a smile to your face...
Until you push them down 3 flights of stairs.
I would kill for something to eat--the cannibal.
Q: How do you get 10 babies in a trashcan?
A: With a blender.
Q: How do you get them out?
A: Chips.
I was fucking this girl, and I started to make her cry.
She mumbled things and squirmed, but I couldn't hear her through the gag I put in her mouth.
I'll slit your throat and kick you in the gut till you die one time.
Roses are red, My cat try to kill your next >:)
"Rapeboat" has six fingers on each hand and one big eyebrow. Signs of inbreeding.
When's the only time a rapeboat is quiet? When he got his uncle's cock in his mouth.
Hitler was talking about how to fight in WW2 when someone sneezed while Hitler was giving a speech, so Hitler yelled, "WHO SNEEZED ROW 1? DID ANYONE SNEEZE?" They said no, and Hitler shot everybody. Same for row 2 & 3, but in row 4 someone nervous said, "Me, I'm sorry." Then Hitler said, "Bless you."
(I want to apologize in advance. These are very dark jokes.)
Whatās red and bad for your teeth? A brick.
I was going to tell a dead baby joke, but I decided to abort.
Why does Dr. Pepper come in a bottle? His wife is dead.
Why does Helen Keller hate porcupines? Theyāre painful to look at.
Why canāt orphans play baseball? They donāt know where home is.
Give a man a match, and heāll be warm for a few hours. Set a man on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.
I asked a pretty, young homeless woman if I could take her home. She smiled at me and said yes. The look on her face soon changed, however, when I walked off with her cardboard box.
My wife and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children. If anybody does, please just send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.
Why did the guy run because the girl ripped his penis off?
How do you stop a baby from crying?
Throw a brick in its mouth.
How long does it take to blow up a baby in the microwave?
I don't know, I close my eyes when I masturbate...