Violence jokes

Why did the orphan kill someone? Because it would make him wanted.

What do you get when you put a baby in a blender?

A boner.

I had a boyfriend once. He broke up with me because he "wanted to be more alive." I guess it didn't work when he went to my basement.

Roses are red, violets are blue, If I had a gun, I'd shoot you.

If there's ever a shooting at school, pull out an Uno reverse card.

Which is redder: a baby or a red car? It depends on how the baby was killed!

When the school shooter breaks into the classroom, and you look at your friend because it's the kid you predicted.

What's a crazy man's favorite phrase when he has a knife?

"Freak out!"

What does a bullied kid say during a game of Kahoot?

"I'd like to Kahoot up this school."

Welcome to David's Morgue, you stab 'em, we slab 'em!

My wife told me to pass her some chapstick, but then I realized she hasn’t talked to me in a month, then remembering I gave her super glue.........ehh I’m done with her big ass mouth.

What do you call a 5-year-old with no friends?

A Sandy Hook survivor.

Yo mama so ugly even bullets refuse to kill her.

When the quiet kid has an argument with the school shooter, and you didn't get to pull out the AK.

My gf told me she was pregnant. So I punched her in the stomach.

She asked me "Why the hell did you do that?!?!?" "I wanted to let you know I'm pro abortion."

I opened a company selling landmines disguised as prayer mats. Prophets are going through the roof.

If you're bored, punch an orphan. What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?

How many gangsters does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

35! Do you have a problem with that?

What’s the difference between a suicide bomber and a feminist? A suicide bomber actually does something when triggered.

Today, I learned that a group of piranhas can maul a small child down to the bone in under 20 seconds. Well, I lost my job at the aquarium today.