My wife told me to pass her some chapstick, but then I realized she hasn’t talked to me in a month, then remembering I gave her super glue.........ehh I’m done with her big ass mouth.
Violence Jokes
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Answer:
The man said, "He's going to rape the people on the side of the road."
I'll break your bones, b*tch.
A man walked into a bar with an AK-47 with a 50-round mag and yelled out, "Who the fuck fucked my wife?" Everyone was quiet.
One man at the back stood up and called, "Sorry mate, but I don't think you have enough bullets."
I wanna fight Gwen!
My wife slept with another man and got pregnant. She told me 9 weeks later. I said it's ok and told her let's talk downstairs, so I pushed her down the stairs.
If you're bored, just punch an orphan!
What are they gonna do...tell their parents?
I was walking to the park and a mystery killer came and shot me.
What do you call it when you light a person in a wheelchair on fire?
Cooking the vegetables.
When the school shooter is about to leave your classroom and the autistic kid's Sketchers light up.
How do you put a baby in a blender feet first so you can see its facial expressions?
How do you get the baby out? With a tortilla chip!
When's the only time a rapeboat is quiet? When he got his uncle's cock in his mouth.
"Rapeboat" has six fingers on each hand and one big eyebrow. Signs of inbreeding.
What does a gas grenade and a baby have in common?
They both squeal when you throw them.
Q: How do you get 10 babies in a trashcan?
A: With a blender.
Q: How do you get them out?
A: Chips.
I was fucking this girl, and I started to make her cry.
She mumbled things and squirmed, but I couldn't hear her through the gag I put in her mouth.
GUY 1: How many babies does it take to paint a wall red?
GUY 2: Depends on how hard you throw them.
I would kill for something to eat--the cannibal.
That one person who can never bring a smile to your face...
Until you push them down 3 flights of stairs.
I'll slit your throat and kick you in the gut till you die one time.
