Violence jokes
A girl asked me to eat her out one time... so I put her in the oven.
Why are clips 30 rounds? Because that's the average class size.
Bully: Ur momma so fat that the whales said we are family even though you are a little bigger than us.
Nerd: Yo momma so ugly that when she went in the bathtub, the water jumped out.
Silence...................punch!
I had a friend who got shot in the head.
Guess you could say he was...
Blown Away!
What's worse than a dead baby?
A pile of dead babies.
What's worse than that?
The baby at the bottom of the pile is still alive.
What's worse than that?
The baby at the bottom of pile is eating its way out.
When the school shooter shoots the autistic kid and he thinks he's having an orgasm.
My friend said an apple a day keeps the orphan away. I said only if you throw it hard enough.
What’s the difference between life and a rape joke?
Life fucks you until you stop breathing; a rape joke fucks you until it’s not funny anymore.
How do you get 500 babies in a phone booth?
A blender.
How do you get them out?
A straw.
Kid: "THERE'S A SHOOTER IN THE BUILDING!"
Shooter: "Oops."
What happens to chickens that get kidnapped by rapists?
They get choked.
If somebody cuts their leg off and hits you with it, would they be kicking or hitting you?
How many dead babies does it take to change a light bulb?
Must be more than 13, because my basement is still dark.
What is the best way to deal with bullies?
You shoot them.
Roses are red... Violets are blue... I feel like I'm gonna get raped next to you.
One day, I came home from school and said to my dad, "I got expelled from school today." He said, "How?" I said, "I threw my book at the teacher." He asked, "Why?" I told him, "We were doing an anti-bullying program, and my teacher said words can't hurt me, so I threw my dictionary at her."
My sister thinks she's so smart. She said only an onion can make you cry, so I brought the belt out, and she started crying.
Australian says to American: why do you have such bad gun laws?
American: Self defense.
Australian: Self defense against 50 innocent children?
A little girl and a little boy are taking a bath together when the little girl looks down and asks, "What's that?"
The little boy says, "That’s my little red race car."
Ten minutes later, the boy looks down and asks, "What's that?"
The little girl says, "That’s my little red race car garage."
So later that night, the little boy asks the little girl if he can put his little red race car in her little red race car garage. She said yes, and then they pull down their pants and the boy tries putting his little red race car in her garage, but it won’t fit.
Downstairs, the mother hears an ear-piercing scream and runs up the stairs, flips on the lights and sees blood on the floor. The mother asks, "What happened?"
The little girl says, "We tried putting his car in my garage and it wouldn’t fit, so I cut the back wheels off."
What animal has five legs? A pitbull returning from a playground.