How do you pet a psychopath's cat?
You get it out of the microwave.
What do you get when you have an annoying kid, a homicidal kid, and a suicidal kid in the same room? A happy ending.
In the average room, there are about 2,894,638 items that Chuck Norris can use to kill you, including the room itself.
How many cops does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, they all beat the room for being black.
How do you verify a rape claim? You make it true.
Due to the rising cost of ammunition, there will be no warning shots.
What's the difference between a hooker and a mosquito?
The mosquito stops sucking after you slap it.
How do you circumcise a hillbilly? ... Kick his sister in the jaw.
Q. How many babies does it take to shingle a roof?
A. Depends how thin you slice them.
What's a school shooter's favorite anime?
Assassination Classroom.
My therapist told me, "Time heals all wounds," so I stabbed him.
Now we wait.
Are you a school? Because I want to shoot a bunch of kids in you.
What's black and white and black and white and black and white and red and black and white and white and black and red and red and black and red and white and black and red and red and red and red?
A penguin in a blender.
How to kill a blind person.
Give them a gun and tell them it's a hairdryer.
How many cops does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, they just arrest the lightbulb for being broke and beat the room for being black.
1 like = 1 more orphan I dropkick.
So, my sister is a feminist. I asked her, "Do you want to hear a rape joke?" She said no. I still decided to force one down her throat anyway.
Why did the Mexican push his wife off a cliff?
Tequila.
Don't mistake my silence for weakness. No one plans a murder out loud.
My new girlfriend is a porn star. She would probably kill me if she found out.
