Violence jokes

X is for X-treme shooting!

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Abortion is becoming more and more expensive these days. So visit Ammu-nation and pick up an Armsan RS-X1 tactical shotgun. It comes with a free box of ammo and a three year warranty. Buy now, pay later.

So, in "Revenge of the Sixth" when Anakin goes and kills the younglings, I thought to myself, "Hey, it’s just another day in an American school."

What's black and white and can't turn around in a corridor?

A nun with a javelin through her neck.

I was raped by mimes once. They did unspeakable things to me.

I walked into a supermarket to get some ordinary clothes for the wife. Then I realized I was in a rape museum.

Why are clips 30 rounds? Because that's the average class size.

Even people who are good for nothing can bring a smile to your face.

For instance, when you push them down the stairs.

I gave a blind kid a gun and said it was a blow dryer.

OMG guys, I finally did it. I made a head slicey boy. I have headless.

What is the best revenge for getting punished at school?

Go shoot up the school.

Jesus shows up and says you’ve got to go to church.

You follow him in, and under their breath, it sounds like somebody says, "You steal." You say in your mind, knowing you have before, "I’m sorry." Then somebody coughs, and under their breath, it sounds like they say again, "You steal," so you whisper quietly, "I’m sorry."

...then somebody in German says, "Schieß den Hurensohn!"

What is the best thing about being back?

Free bullets.

I kicked a ball at the kid in the wheelchair, and now we're playing Rocket League.

What's the difference between PMS and a terrorist?

You can negotiate with the terrorist.

Why was the American kid late to school?

Because he was too busy putting on his bulletproof vest.

How many babies does it take to paint a wall?

Depends how hard you throw them.

My friend said she wanted to fly, so I pushed her off a building.

Are you a school? Cause I wanna shoot some kids inside of you.

"Dinosaur killing with a 2x4, no more purple dinosaur!"