Violence jokes

What do you get when you have an annoying kid, a homicidal kid, and a suicidal kid in the same room? A happy ending.

In the average room, there are about 2,894,638 items that Chuck Norris can use to kill you, including the room itself.

How many cops does it take to change a lightbulb?

None, they all beat the room for being black.

How do you verify a rape claim? You make it true.

1 like = 1 more orphan I dropkick.

What's a school shooter's favorite anime?

Assassination Classroom.

What do JFK’s killer and a prostitute have in common?

“They both blow heads.”

Due to the rising cost of ammunition, there will be no warning shots.

What's the difference between a hooker and a mosquito?

The mosquito stops sucking after you slap it.

Q. How many babies does it take to shingle a roof?

A. Depends how thin you slice them.

How do you circumcise a hillbilly? ... Kick his sister in the jaw.

Are you a school? Because I want to shoot a bunch of kids in you.

My therapist told me, "Time heals all wounds," so I stabbed him.

Now we wait.

I ran over three disabled kids.

"Cripple kill."

How to kill a blind person.

Give them a gun and tell them it's a hairdryer.

You do 1 line, you're not a crackhead. You drink 1 beer, you're not an alcoholic. But I murder 1 person...

How many cops does it take to change a lightbulb?

None, they just arrest the lightbulb for being broke and beat the room for being black.

Some kids at school made fun of me for playing Halo. I gave them a halo.

My new girlfriend is a porn star. She would probably kill me if she found out.

Me at the Oscars when I see Jada Pinkett Smith, I said: "G.I. Jane 2, more like G.I. Jada 2, can't wait to see it."

So Will Smith is laughing and then suddenly, Will Smith walks up to me and punches me in the face.

Me: "Ow, oh, wow. Will Smith just smacked the shit out of me.” My nigga Smith goes: "KEEP MY WIFE'S NAME OUT OF YOUR FUCKING MOUTH!" Me: "Maybe you should focus on keeping her friends out of hers."