Violence jokes

What is red, bubbling, and scratching at a window?

A baby in the microwave.

Q: What's black and white and red all over?

A: A nun falling down the stairs.

Roses are red. Violets are blue. I have a gun. Get in the car.

If you wanna hit somebody, hit an orphan, what are they gonna do... tell their parents?

My sister said, "Daddy can you pass the salt?" So I raped her.

What's harder than nailing a dead baby to a tree?

My dick while I'm doing it.

What's red and white and lives in a blender?

A baby.

The school shooter when the cops show up be like:

"Ain't nothing gonna break my stride, ain't nothing gonna hold me down. Oh oh. I've got to keep on moving."

A penis has a bad life. His neighbor is an asshole, his friend is a pussy, and his owner beats him.

What is white, black, and red and can't fit through a revolving door?

A nun with a spear through her head!

What's black, blue, and red, laying in a ditch?

You after you disrespect me.

My girlfriend said, "GIMME EIGHT INCHES AND MAKE IT HURT!"

So I pumped my dick in her 4 times and hit her in the head with a brick.

Little Johnny walked into class with a black eye, and the teacher said, "Why do you have a black eye?"

Johnny said, "Well, me and my parents have to share a bed, and my dad asked me if I was asleep and I said no, so he smacked me."

The teacher said, "Well tonight, don't say anything."

The next day, Johnny walked in with another black eye, and the teacher said, "Why do you have another black eye?" Little Johnny said, "Well, last night, I did what you said and didn't say anything when my dad asked me if I was asleep. A few minutes later, my dad said he was coming, and my mom said she was coming too. They usually don't go anywhere without me so I said 'Wait for me, I'm coming too.'"

"Muffin Man, Muffin Man, he's gonna rape you in his van."

It's not rape if you say "April Fools!"

What is worse: 10 babies stapled to 1 tree, or 1 baby stapled to ten trees?

What's Adam's biggest fear?

Andy with a belt.

Did you hear about the terrorist comedian?

He was actually quite funny...

He just blew the delivery.

(I'll show myself out).

So the other day my black friend and I were working on a group project. He was so slow so I whipped him to make him faster.

What's worse than 5 babies tied to 5 trees?

1 baby tied to 5 trees.