Violence jokes
I kicked a goose, and I liked it!
If you kill someone, that's murder.
If you kill a family member, that's still murder.
If you kill a child, that's "child abuse."
What's the only type of abortion Republicans will never do anything to prevent?
A school shooting.
(Me) Hey bro, tell me a joke!
(My friend) Your mom. *Starts Laughing*
(Me) *Fakes laughs* *then points a gun at him*
At this moment, he knew he fucked up.
How do you get a baby to stop crying?
Simple... you staple its mouth shut.
A 23 year old priest walks into a high school with an automatic weapon. He tells those who believe in God to stand up and leave.
To the children who don't leave, he says, "Do not worry my children, I shall make thou 'hole-y' as well."
He then proceeds to shoot all of the students left.
A father and a son were painting pictures together. The son and father were drawing the exact same thing to a T, and the son said, "What happened to your hand?" looking at the scar tissue near the father's knuckle. The father replied with, "You know what happened, you were there." The son continues to deny this until they both finish their paintings. They're exactly the same.
The father passes out for a few hours and wakes up to find that there's only one painting.
You. Me. Gas station. What are we getting for dinner? Sushi of course. Uh oh! There was a roofie in our gas station sushi. We black out and wake up in a sewer surrounded by fish.
Horny fish. You know what that means. Fish orgy. The stench draws in a bear. What do we do? We're gonna fight it. Bear fight. Bare handed. Bare, naked? Oh, yes please. We befriend the bear after we beat it in a brawl and ride it into a Chuck E. Cheese. Dance Dance Revolution. Revolution? Overthrow the government? Uh, I think so. Next thing you know, I'm reincarnated as Jesus Christ. Then I turn into a jet, fly into the sun, black out again, wake up, do a bump, white out, which I didn't even know you could do. Then I smoked a joint, greened out. Then I turn into the sun. Uh oh! Looks like the meth is kicking in. aklfhaofhasfahfakh AAAAAAAAA afahfioahflkf AAAAA
How many babies does it take to paint a wall?
Depends on how hard you throw them.
What is red, bubbling, and scratching at a window?
A baby in the microwave.
Q: What's black and white and red all over?
A: A nun falling down the stairs.
If you wanna hit somebody, hit an orphan, what are they gonna do... tell their parents?
Roses are red. Violets are blue. I have a gun. Get in the car.
My sister said, "Daddy can you pass the salt?" So I raped her.
What's harder than nailing a dead baby to a tree?
My dick while I'm doing it.
What's red and white and lives in a blender?
A baby.
What is white, black, and red and can't fit through a revolving door?
A nun with a spear through her head!
A penis has a bad life. His neighbor is an asshole, his friend is a pussy, and his owner beats him.
My girlfriend said, "GIMME EIGHT INCHES AND MAKE IT HURT!"
So I pumped my dick in her 4 times and hit her in the head with a brick.
What's black, blue, and red, laying in a ditch?
You after you disrespect me.