Violence jokes

If you wanna hit somebody, hit an orphan, what are they gonna do... tell their parents?

What is red, bubbling, and scratching at a window?

A baby in the microwave.

Q: What's black and white and red all over?

A: A nun falling down the stairs.

How many babies does it take to paint a wall?

Depends on how hard you throw them.

My sister said, "Daddy can you pass the salt?" So I raped her.

What's harder than nailing a dead baby to a tree?

My dick while I'm doing it.

What's red and white and lives in a blender?

A baby.

The school shooter when the cops show up be like:

"Ain't nothing gonna break my stride, ain't nothing gonna hold me down. Oh oh. I've got to keep on moving."

What is white, black, and red and can't fit through a revolving door?

A nun with a spear through her head!

A penis has a bad life. His neighbor is an asshole, his friend is a pussy, and his owner beats him.

What's black, blue, and red, laying in a ditch?

You after you disrespect me.

My girlfriend said, "GIMME EIGHT INCHES AND MAKE IT HURT!"

So I pumped my dick in her 4 times and hit her in the head with a brick.

Little Johnny walked into class with a black eye, and the teacher said, "Why do you have a black eye?"

Johnny said, "Well, me and my parents have to share a bed, and my dad asked me if I was asleep and I said no, so he smacked me."

The teacher said, "Well tonight, don't say anything."

The next day, Johnny walked in with another black eye, and the teacher said, "Why do you have another black eye?" Little Johnny said, "Well, last night, I did what you said and didn't say anything when my dad asked me if I was asleep. A few minutes later, my dad said he was coming, and my mom said she was coming too. They usually don't go anywhere without me so I said 'Wait for me, I'm coming too.'"

"Muffin Man, Muffin Man, he's gonna rape you in his van."

Do you know the best thing about killing a hooker?

Not only do you get your money back, but the second hour is free.

Mom, what happens if you swear at a church?

Well, honey, a tee posing nun with glowing red eyes and nunchucks will beat you.

What do you call a school bus with 30 kids?

A killstreak.

When the school shooter makes the emo kid hang himself and the autistic kid thinks it's a piñata: 🤪🏏

How [does] a disabled kid face [the] Jalalas?

He can't run, just hug the bomb.

What's worse than 5 babies tied to 5 trees?

1 baby tied to 5 trees.