Violence jokes
What's the difference between an onion and a baby?
One makes you cry when you cut it up.
An apple a day can do so much more than keep the doctor away... it can keep ANYONE away.
if you throw it hard enough.
What happened to the terrorist who tried to blow up a bus?
He burnt himself on the exhaust pipe.
What did the white kid pull out of his bookbag?
A 9mm.
What was the last thing that went through JFK's mind? A bullet.
I was rooting for Donald Trump to be president.
We haven't had a presidential assassination in a while.
My favorite sex position is the JFK:
I splatter all over her as she screams and tries to get out of the car.
How are school shooting victims and school shooting jokes similar?
They never get old.
I saw a guy raping a girl in the park, so I decided to help. She didn't stand a chance against the two of us.
What do you call a five year old with no friends?
A Sandy Hook survivor.
I'll never forget my grandma's last words, "What are you doing in here with that hammer?"
What do you get when you put a baby in a box of razor blades and throw it down the stairs?
An erection!
The Columbine High School basketball team hasn't been the same since they lost their two best shooters.
How do you circumcise a redneck? Kick his sister in the jaw.
Why did the Mexican push his wife off a cliff?
Tequila.
How do you knock out 26 kids in one punch?
You give them a Sandy Hook.
What's worse than a pile of dead babies?
One at the bottom that's still alive.
What's worse than that?
It's forced to eat its way out.
What's even worse than that?
It comes back for seconds.
How long does it take a baby to cook in the microwave?
I don't know. I close my eyes when I masturbate.
How many babies does it take to paint a wall red? Depends, how hard can you throw them?
A mirror and a terrorist are the same... Only... a mirror doesn't need a gun to kill.