Violence jokes
What’s black and blue and doesn’t like to have sex?
A rape victim!
They say that "The way to a man's heart is through his stomach," but I find it a lot easier to go through the ribcage.
What do you tell a female with 2 black eyes?
Nothing, you already told her twice.
Rape is such an ugly word, I prefer the term "struggle snuggle."
What's the difference between meat and fish?
If you beat your fish, it'll die.
Where is the cheapest gun range? Your local public school.
(I want to apologize in advance. These are very dark jokes.)
What’s red and bad for your teeth? A brick.
I was going to tell a dead baby joke, but I decided to abort.
Why does Dr. Pepper come in a bottle? His wife is dead.
Why does Helen Keller hate porcupines? They’re painful to look at.
Why can’t orphans play baseball? They don’t know where home is.
Give a man a match, and he’ll be warm for a few hours. Set a man on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.
I asked a pretty, young homeless woman if I could take her home. She smiled at me and said yes. The look on her face soon changed, however, when I walked off with her cardboard box.
My wife and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children. If anybody does, please just send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.
How fast did Little Sally paint the barn red?
As soon as the bomb exploded on her.
So I told my sister, "Want [to] hear some jokes?" and she was like, "Hit me with [your] best shot, fire away," and I was like, "Okay, I know [you're] singing an old song, yeah I was trying to see if [you] sing too," and I said, "Who do [you] think I am, Chris Brown?"
If you kill an orphan, would that count as a squad wipe?
Eric's mom asked her son why his bag was heavy and if it was because of books. Eric replied, "No, magazines."
What's a school shooter's favorite flower?
Columbine.
Friend 1: I don't want to jump.
Friend 2: Me neither.
Murderer: If you don't jump, I'll stab you.
Friend 1: *jumps*
Friend 2: *jumps*
Murderer: I didn't mean off the building!
Friend 1: I know that. I just pretended to jump to get rid of that guy.
What's the difference between a feminist and Hitler?
Both were good at starting wars, only difference was Hitler knew when to kill himself afterwards.
So I went to the bank and a lady asked me to check her balance... so I pushed her over.
Roses are red, I reload fast...
I'm gonna pull up to your school, bitch you better run fast!
When you're the only one nice to the quiet kid.
Kid: "I like you... don't go to school tomorrow."
If you're ever bored, just punch an orphan because what are they gonna do? Tell their parents?
Mom: You can't die in the living room, David, so you can stop stabbing and shooting yourself.
David: I will surpass Kakarot!
Jordan: *dead on the living room floor*
How many fingers am I holding up?
Said the suicide bomber, referring to the countdown.