Violence jokes
You are walking through the woods when you cross a woman who has been raped and beheaded. What is the first thing you do?
Check your map, you’re obviously going in circles.
Q: What’s the hardest thing about fucking a dude with a dildo?
A: Making sure he doesn’t wake up.
What do Catholic priests and school shooters have in common?
They both like to dump their loads into little kids.
If you throw a nun, is it called a... Nunchuck???
If you ever get mad, just punch an orphan. What are they supposed to do? Tell their parents?
What is 1 + 1?
They didn’t tell me. Their stomach is upset.
So, I was watching YouTube, and then my friend says, "Those videos never get old." I replied, "Just like a Make-A-Wish kid." After I said that, he shot me in the head and said, "And now neither do you." Now I’m in Heaven, and God says to me, "Welcome to Paradise where it is summer days, clear skies," and I said, "Are there summer women?" Now here I am in Hell with my buddy Hitler. I believe he’s a hero after he killed Hitler.
What’s the difference between football and rape?
Women don’t like football.
What do you get when you throw a pile of dead babies into a fryer?
Kentucky Fried Children!
What's it called when you eat those same babies?
Finger Lickin' Good!
When is it acceptable to hit a dwarf?
When he dances with your wife and says her hair smells nice...
What’s black and blue and doesn’t like to have sex?
A rape victim!
They say that "The way to a man's heart is through his stomach," but I find it a lot easier to go through the ribcage.
What do you tell a female with 2 black eyes?
Nothing, you already told her twice.
Rape is such an ugly word, I prefer the term "struggle snuggle."
What's the difference between meat and fish?
If you beat your fish, it'll die.
Where is the cheapest gun range? Your local public school.
(I want to apologize in advance. These are very dark jokes.)
What’s red and bad for your teeth? A brick.
I was going to tell a dead baby joke, but I decided to abort.
Why does Dr. Pepper come in a bottle? His wife is dead.
Why does Helen Keller hate porcupines? They’re painful to look at.
Why can’t orphans play baseball? They don’t know where home is.
Give a man a match, and he’ll be warm for a few hours. Set a man on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.
I asked a pretty, young homeless woman if I could take her home. She smiled at me and said yes. The look on her face soon changed, however, when I walked off with her cardboard box.
My wife and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children. If anybody does, please just send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.
How fast did Little Sally paint the barn red?
As soon as the bomb exploded on her.
So I told my sister, "Want [to] hear some jokes?" and she was like, "Hit me with [your] best shot, fire away," and I was like, "Okay, I know [you're] singing an old song, yeah I was trying to see if [you] sing too," and I said, "Who do [you] think I am, Chris Brown?"
If you kill an orphan, would that count as a squad wipe?