Violence jokes

What's white, black, and red all over?

A zebra who walked into a hunting reserve.

I showed my girlfriend my shotgun yesterday. It really blew her away.

What is the world's greatest invention? The ball gag, do you know why? Honestly, officer, I never heard her say no.

What does a woman do when she leaves the battered women's shelter?

"Cook my dinner, if she knows what's good for her."

What do you tell a woman with two black eyes?

Nothing you haven't told her twice already.

Hey, What do you want? We broke up like 5 days ago, leave me alone. Ok, first wanna do some things? What kind of things? Illegal things. Like what? Knock you off and hide your body. 🤡🤡🗡

The quiet kid starts playing "Pumped Up Kicks" in the parking lot before school.

I like my Oreos how I like my victims... Drowning.

What's the difference between you and me? You're not strangling a man with a cloak on.

What's the difference between a baby and a watermelon?

One screams when you put it in a blender, and the other one is a cooperative little fruit.

You find yourself stuck in a hole with a murderer, a rapist, and a lawyer. You're armed, but you only have 2 bullets left. What do you do?

Shoot the lawyer. Twice.

What do pedophiles and Sandy Hook have in common?

Shooting up schoolchildren.

You know how on Snapchat "hmu" means hit me up? A school posted "smu." Nikolas Cruz responded.

If you're ever bored, just beat up an orphan. What are they gonna do, tell their parents?

When you're bored, punch an orphan. What are they gonna do, tell their parents?

Roses are red.

Violets are blue.

Once I'm done choking you,

You will be too.

Someone kills an emotionally weak person by hard words and bullying.

No one will suspect the killer was anyone who took part.

I punched you so hard that I'll call you "Droppy Pussy."

Things said by racist aliens:

"Some of my best friends are Green."

"I just know that Orange guy stole my spaceship."

"You're very pretty for a Purple girl."

"We know you Tentacletians like to rape everyone with your tentacles!"

"Adax Hitao should have finished off you Bluish people."

"You 2-headed people are so stupid!"

"No Slimatians are allowed in this restaurant because of health codes."

"Get the hell out of my store you grigger!"

"The Plu Plux Plum meeting is tonight! Let's burn some spaceships on the Greenies' lawns!"

What is one of the worst but funniest incidents ever: a bullet in a baby in a baggy in a barrel in a bus in a nuclear plant were all of the employee's are molesters?