Vehicle jokes

What is big, fun, [and] loud?

A school bus 🚌

What gets long when you put it, slides into holes, and likes to squeeze between boobs?

A seatbelt.

What is the difference between a nicely dressed man on a tricycle and a poorly dressed man on a bicycle?

A tire.

(A tire as in clothes and the tire? U get it? No? I'm lonely. Add me on Xbox: DECIMUS PAX)

Your mum is so fat, when she sat in a monster truck, it turned into a lowrider.

What did the car say when it crashed? That's wheely unfortunate!

I saw a yellow bus and I knew that some-ting was wrong.

The bus was white.

How does an Indian open his car?

"Boot, boot!" (in an Indian accent)

What's the difference between a sports car and a pile of dead babies?

I don't have a sports car in my garage.

Why did the pedo stop to help the little kids cross the street?

To get them in his van.

What is the difference between a tree 🌳 and a car 🚘?

A car can drive and a tree cannot drive.

Why did a cheetah fart? It needed more gas.

Are you a race car?

Cuz I’m tryna fuck.

What should we want?

Racecars.

When should we want them?

NEOWWWWWWWWWWWM!

What do you call a man who lost his car??

Carlos

Why did Sally decide to fly to school?

She couldn't drive.

There was a car accident, and the cops pull up to the crime scene to start asking people questions. The police started talking to a blonde lady and said, "What happened here?" She responded by saying, "A car crash." They then asked, "But how did it happen?" She responded, "The cars crashed into each other." They finally said, "But why did it happen?" The lady said, "Oh, I know where you're going with this. It happened because when cars push on the gas pedal, the car goes forward, and they both pushed it, so they both went forward and hit each other." One cop said, "Never mind, ma'am," and they started walking away.

The blonde lady then said, "Oh, and officers, my computer froze. Do you think I should put it in the microwave or in the oven?"

In about ten days, Stephen Hawking's wheelchair is going to have its first and last service.

What do you call a kid that's in the fire? Hot Wheels.

Yo mama is so stupid, she sold her car for gas money.

What's yellow and can't swim but screams when it goes under?

A school bus full of kids.