Vehicle jokes
What's yellow and can't swim? A bus full of kids.
What did the bus driver say to the car?
"What is your address?"
What's the difference between a fish and a car?
You can tune a car... but you can't TUNA fish! x3
What kind of car does Yoda drive? A Toyoda.
What’s yellow and can’t swim??
A school bus with elementary kids.
I hate this. Everybody knows it's how I roll, if you jump into my van you get a Tootsie Roll. My uncle said this...
I can measure the speed of an object, because I want to km/s.
What's the difference between a Corvette and a pile of dead babies?
I don't have a Corvette in my garage.
What did one orphan say to the other? "Robin, get in the Batmobile."
What is the difference between a vacuum cleaner and a Harley Davidson?
The location of the Dirtbag.
A Russian wife turned to her husband and asked...
"What's this special military operation our glorious leader keeps talking about?"
Her husband replied, "It's a proxy war between Russia and NATO."
"Oh, right. How's it going?"
"Well," he replied, "so far we've lost 200,000 soldiers, 4,000 tanks, 500 aircraft, numerous helicopters, loads of armoured vehicles and artillery pieces along with our 'flag ship'."
"Wow! What about NATO?"
"They haven't turned up yet."
Two police officers crash their car into a tree. After a moment of silence, one of them says, "Wow, that's got to be the fastest we've ever gotten to an accident site."
Bus went vrrrrrrrm.
I remember Grandpa's last words, "Oh, shit! It's in drive!"
Why did Joey drop his ice cream?
He was hit by a truck. (Don't worry, the truck was fine.)
Why can't fat kids change a tire?
They would eat the donut.
What is an orphan's favorite car?
A family car.
"Hey, today was great."
"What happened?"
"I ran into my ex today."
"What's so great about that?"
"I was in my car."
What is it called when someone is a wheel chair and in a fire?
Answer: Hot wheels...
There was a car accident, and the cops pull up to the crime scene to start asking people questions. The police started talking to a blonde lady and said, "What happened here?" She responded by saying, "A car crash." They then asked, "But how did it happen?" She responded, "The cars crashed into each other." They finally said, "But why did it happen?" The lady said, "Oh, I know where you're going with this. It happened because when cars push on the gas pedal, the car goes forward, and they both pushed it, so they both went forward and hit each other." One cop said, "Never mind, ma'am," and they started walking away.
The blonde lady then said, "Oh, and officers, my computer froze. Do you think I should put it in the microwave or in the oven?"