Vehicle jokes
Imagine a white van. Now imagine a white guy in the driver seat with a sombrero on and his arm out the window, and on the side of the van it says "Free Candy." But there's blood all over the van and a dead clown in the back.
What's a kidnapper's favorite shoe? White vans.
Why is it wrong to drive around in a van offering children candy?
Because you’ll have more success if you give out video games!
When a "Baby on Board" sticker is a little faded and beat up, you know the kid is at least a year old, and the car is safe to ram.
"John FK, he think he special car no top, everyone see like he on parade. Me, I stay hidden, secret style, no bullets find me. Much smar smarter, no? Scret lifestyle safety."
I didn’t know how to fasten my seatbelt. Then it clicked.
Yo momma's so fat, when she gets in a monster truck, it turns into a lowrider.
I called the suicide hotline in Afghanistan, and they got excited and asked if I could drive a B-52.
A cop pulls me over and asks if I have been drinking.
I'm an honest person and say yes, I did, so I take off my sunglasses and tell him that I now had 2 glasses less.
I wonder if Stephen Hawking was an organ donor, because I need new parts for my go-kart.
Why do the brakes keep squealing?
Because the driver hit it too hard.
What's the difference between a hundred decapitated babies and a Ferrari?
I don't have a Ferrari in my garage :|
Roads be so rough in Oklahoma, I saw a high lifted truck get ended riding lower than a Hot Wheels car.
Your hairline reminds me of a car taking a U-turn.
What's the slowest train in the world? A slow coach!
Why does nobody know that an Octane is a Fennec in disguise?
They have the same hitbox.
Why did the kid cross the road?
Because he wasn't wearing his seat belt! 😂
What do you call a Mexican who lost their car?
Carlos.
What game console do emergency vehicles play? Wii U!!!
Someone complimented me on my driving last week. They left a note saying, "Parking Fine!"