Vehicle jokes

What does Johnny Depp hate about driving a car?

He can't drink and drive.

Are you a school bus? Because I want to fill you with kids.

My wife told me I could never, ever build a car out of spaghetti. You should have seen the look on her face when I drove pasta!

What’s a peedophile’s favorite shoes? White vans.

What do you call a Mexican that lost his car?

Carlost.

A cop pulls over an old man.

The cop walks up to the old man and says, "Do you know why I pulled you over?"

The old man said, "No."

Boy: Crap, I hit a deer.

Girl: Awe... I guess it’s not so much of a dear.

Boy: ...

Boy: Get the hell out!

Yo mama so fat when she stepped on a monster truck she turned it into a lowrider.

What begins in F and ends in UCK?

Fire truck.

A cop stopped a guy for speeding. He said, "Do you know how fast you were going?" "I was trying to keep up with traffic," the guy replied. The cop said, "But there is no traffic." And the guy answered, "That's how far behind I am."

I wonder if Stephen Hawking was an organ donor because I need new parts for my go-kart.

Why did the child drop their ice cream?

They got hit by a bus.

My heart is like a plane.

It crashes every once in a while.

The daughter of an incestuous pedophile goes into the living room where he is watching TV and asks him if she can borrow the car that evening.

"Sure honey! If you suck my dick!"

So she gets down on him but something is wrong. She pops her head up and says: "Dad! This tastes like shit!"

"Oh yeah, I forgot," says the father. "I already gave your brother the car for tonight."

Who can drink 20 liters of fuel without dying? A jerrycan.

Why did the turtle start flying? He was on a jet.

Yo mama is so fat, her car has stretch marks.

What's yellow and can't swim?

A bus full of kids.

Yo mama so fat, they had to give her a license plate.

Why did the blonde stare at the Ford?

Because it said, "Focus."