Vehicle jokes

I had a dream I was a muffler last night...

I woke up EXHAUSTED! 😂😃

Why are all fat people bad drivers?

They are all hungover.

What do you get if you cross hot wheels, hot legs? Hehe.

What does a car have when it's very itchy?

A road rash.

What goes boo in a car with no lips?

What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor?

"Where's my tractor!"

I saw your mother get into a white Ford Taurus on the corner of Milton and Halliburton, and you're still trying to tell me she ain't got no job cause she "can't get a ride to work?"

What do you call a wheelchair on fire?..

Hot Wheels.

Cars are like bullets; you jump in front of one, and they solve all your problems.

What’s the difference between a pile of babies and a Tesla?

I don’t have a Tesla in my garage.

What's the difference between a fish and a car?

You can tune a car... but you can't TUNA fish! x3

What’s the difference between a pile of dead babies and a Corvette?

I don’t have a Corvette in my garage.

Why did the chicken cross the road? Who gives a shit? I wanna know how it got the car started!

Three men die at the same time and go to Heaven. St. Peter says to them, "It's going to be a long journey to heaven, so I will give you a good vehicle depending on how much you've cheated on your wives."

"We'll start with you, Michael. Since you were quite the womanizer and cheated on your wife multiple times, you will be getting a Toyota." The man, embarrassed, left in the Toyota.

"Nolan, you were better; you cheated on your wife twice, so I will give you a Mercedes. Now, as for you, Mark, you never cheated on your wife; you are an absolute saint, so I will be giving you a Lamborghini."

The man in the Toyota saw the man with the Lamborghini the next day crying like a child on his car, and he asked the man in the Lamborghini, "What the hell is going on?"

The man in the Lamborghini says, "I just saw my wife riding through the streets of Heaven on roller skates!"

What do you call a bus full of kids? A killstreak.

Hey, did you know Paul Walker's gay?

Why do you say that?

Because he likes to wrap himself around long, old wood.

Q: If a boat could fly, where would it go?

A: An airport.

What's yellow all over and can't swim?

A school bus full of children.

What's a kidnapper's favorite White Vans?

What time is it when you get home? Can you walk walk and a car and get home and get a walk home and get a dog 🐕? Today is the night I can drive.