Vehicle jokes

Imagine a white van. Now imagine a white guy in the driver seat with a sombrero on and his arm out the window, and on the side of the van it says "Free Candy." But there's blood all over the van and a dead clown in the back.

I saw your mother get into a white Ford Taurus on the corner of Milton and Halliburton, and you're still trying to tell me she ain't got no job cause she "can't get a ride to work?"

What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor?

"Where's my tractor!"

For a golfer, Tiger Woods isn't very good of a driver.

Why did the rapper go to the auto shop?

To get his RHYMES in TUNE.

What's a rapper's favorite type of car?

A Rhyme Rover.

What's the difference between a fish and a car?

You can tune a car... but you can't TUNA fish! x3

A pedo is driving down a highway really slowly and gets stopped by the police. The officer asks why he was driving so slowly. The man answers, "I don't wake up the kids."

What’s the difference between a pile of dead babies and a Corvette?

I don’t have a Corvette in my garage.

Why did the chicken cross the road? Who gives a shit? I wanna know how it got the car started!

Three men die at the same time and go to Heaven. St. Peter says to them, "It's going to be a long journey to heaven, so I will give you a good vehicle depending on how much you've cheated on your wives."

"We'll start with you, Michael. Since you were quite the womanizer and cheated on your wife multiple times, you will be getting a Toyota." The man, embarrassed, left in the Toyota.

"Nolan, you were better; you cheated on your wife twice, so I will give you a Mercedes. Now, as for you, Mark, you never cheated on your wife; you are an absolute saint, so I will be giving you a Lamborghini."

The man in the Toyota saw the man with the Lamborghini the next day crying like a child on his car, and he asked the man in the Lamborghini, "What the hell is going on?"

The man in the Lamborghini says, "I just saw my wife riding through the streets of Heaven on roller skates!"

What do you call a bus full of kids? A killstreak.

What's yellow all over and can't swim?

A school bus full of children.

Q: If a boat could fly, where would it go?

A: An airport.

Hey, did you know Paul Walker's gay?

Why do you say that?

Because he likes to wrap himself around long, old wood.

What's a kidnapper's favorite White Vans?

What time is it when you get home? Can you walk walk and a car and get home and get a walk home and get a dog 🐕? Today is the night I can drive.

Man: How tall is a penguin?

Bartender: About three foot, why?

Man: Oh shit, the Bible-bashing nuns! I fucking hit one!

Poor car.

I was anonymous with the previous jokes. I will now go by "I can fly! *falls*."

What's black and white and red all over? A mime I hit with my car.

What's the difference between dead babies and a Ferrari?

I don't have a Ferrari in my garage.