Why did the rapper go to the auto shop?
To get his RHYMES in TUNE.
What's the difference between a fish and a car?
You can tune a car... but you can't TUNA fish! x3
A pedo is driving down a highway really slowly and gets stopped by the police. The officer asks why he was driving so slowly. The man answers, "I don't wake up the kids."
What’s the difference between a pile of dead babies and a Corvette?
I don’t have a Corvette in my garage.
Why did the chicken cross the road? Who gives a shit? I wanna know how it got the car started!
Three men die at the same time and go to Heaven. St. Peter says to them, "It's going to be a long journey to heaven, so I will give you a good vehicle depending on how much you've cheated on your wives."
"We'll start with you, Michael. Since you were quite the womanizer and cheated on your wife multiple times, you will be getting a Toyota." The man, embarrassed, left in the Toyota.
"Nolan, you were better; you cheated on your wife twice, so I will give you a Mercedes. Now, as for you, Mark, you never cheated on your wife; you are an absolute saint, so I will be giving you a Lamborghini."
The man in the Toyota saw the man with the Lamborghini the next day crying like a child on his car, and he asked the man in the Lamborghini, "What the hell is going on?"
The man in the Lamborghini says, "I just saw my wife riding through the streets of Heaven on roller skates!"
What do you call a bus full of kids? A killstreak.
What's yellow all over and can't swim?
A school bus full of children.
Q: If a boat could fly, where would it go?
A: An airport.
What's a kidnapper's favorite White Vans?
What time is it when you get home? Can you walk walk and a car and get home and get a walk home and get a dog 🐕? Today is the night I can drive.
Man: How tall is a penguin?
Bartender: About three foot, why?
Man: Oh shit, the Bible-bashing nuns! I fucking hit one!
Poor car.
I was anonymous with the previous jokes. I will now go by "I can fly! *falls*."
What's black and white and red all over? A mime I hit with my car.
What's the difference between dead babies and a Ferrari?
I don't have a Ferrari in my garage.
What has 10 wheels and flies? A garbage truck.
What's the difference between a pile of 100 dead babies and a Mustang Challenger?
A Mustang Challenger doesn't exist.
There is this boy in my year; he is in a wheelchair, so I kicked a football at him and pushed him, and then I shouted, "Rocket League!"
"Hey, today was great!"
"What happened?"
"I ran into my ex today."
"What's so great about that?"
"I was in my car!"
Today was the worst day ever. My ex got hit by a truck... On the plus side, my truck doesn't even have a dent.
My mom bought me a car, and she called me an ungrateful b*tch because I sat in my wheelchair the whole time.
