Vehicle jokes

The average French car has 7 gears, 6 of which are in reverse mode just in case the Germans come back.

What did the car say when it crashed? That's wheely unfortunate!

What's the difference between a BMW and a porcupine? Unlike the porcupine, the pricks are on the inside.

Here's a Song That Describes My Old Life-By-watersharky Productions-

My buddies think I'm on the lake.

Boss thinks I've been sick for days.

And mama's probably on her way

'Cause I ain't picked up the phone.

I've been a million places,

But they're all up in my head.

Over-drinking, overthinking ever since you left.

I've been gone, I've been gone

I've been sittin' on the couch watching TV all day long.

All day long, I've been tryin' to figure out how a good thing went wrong

Faster than that freight train, farther than that airplane

Sadder than a country song.

Headed down that highway, anywhere but my way

Ever since you moved on, I've been gone.

Took a trip down memory lane.

Checked into hotel heartbreak.

Passed rock bottom on the way

Without leaving my living room.

I've been a million places

But they're all up in my head.

Over-drinking, overthinking ever since you left.

I've been gone, I've been gone

I've been sittin' on the couch watching TV all day long.

All day long, I've been tryin' to figure out how a good thing went wrong

Faster than that freight train, farther than that airplane

Sadder than a country song.

Headed down that highway, anywhere but my way

Ever since you moved on, I've been gone.

Yeah

I've been gone.

All the clothes are on the floor

All the mail's by the door

All the whiskey bottles in my bed.

All the dishes in the sink

All the gas is in the tank

All the neighbors probably think I'm dead.

I've been gone, I've been gone

I've been sittin' on the couch watching TV all day long.

All day long, I've been tryin' to figure out how a good thing went wrong

Faster than that freight train, farther than that airplane

Sadder than a country song.

Headed down that highway, anywhere but my way

Ever since you moved on, I've been gone (ooh, ooh)

I've been gone (ooh, ooh)

Gone

I said to my pregnant wife, "Push, darling, come on, push harder, dear!" No, she wasn't giving birth; the bloody car would not start.

I got caught doing donuts in the parking lot, and I know what y'all are thinking.

Who names their dog Donuts?

Why did the skunk 🦨 sleep 💤 under a car?

Because he wanted to wake up oily.

Two priests are driving down a road when they are pulled over by the cops.

The cop shines a light in their faces and signals to the driver to roll down his window.

"We're searching for two child molesters," he says.

The driver leans over to the other priest, and they whisper between themselves.

Finally, he turns back to the policeman. "Ok. We'll do it."

Two police officers crash their car into a tree. After a moment of silence, one of them says, "Wow, that's got to be the fastest we've ever gotten to an accident site."

Two tomatoes are walking on a road. Then a car runs over one of them, and the other says: "Hi, ketchup!"

My mom bought me a car, and she called me an ungrateful b*tch because I sat in my wheelchair the whole time.

What's green and has wheels? Grass, I lied about the wheels.

I love taking my daughter out in the car. Every time we go over a speed bump, I tell her we ran over another dog. 😂

Why did the car drive over the cake?

'Cause it was in tiers!! Lol, sorry this ain't funny.

A twelve-volt battery walks into a tavern and orders a drink. The bartender serves him, and comments, "Now don't start anything."

What do you call a disabled kid on fire?

Hot wheels.

Luckily, his funeral was a closed casket, sorry, his car blew a gasket.

How many times can 46 go into 8? Just hop in the van and find out.

KSI driving ability.

How does an Indian open his car?

"Boot, boot!" (in an Indian accent)