Vehicle jokes
What do you call a Mexican that lost his car?
Car-los
I told a blonde she needed gas for her car, and she farted into the gas tank.
How are a woman and a car alike? Put something in them and they'll both start.
Little Jimmy has 5 red apples. His dad's car will arrive in 20 minutes. Calculate the mass of the Sun.
What's a kidnapper's favorite shoe?
White Vans.
Why did the frog take the bus to work?
His car got toad.
For a golfer, Tiger Woods isn't very good of a driver.
Why did the rapper go to the auto shop?
To get his RHYMES in TUNE.
This was a few months ago. I used to help people load and unload inventory. One day I’m driving home after having lunch with my sister, and she asked if we can stop at the next gas station. I told her, "So you can weigh yourself on the truck scale?"
What's a rapper's favorite type of car?
A Rhyme Rover.
I drove my new rainbow-colored car today. For some reason, it wouldn't go straight.
Why is it wrong to drive around in a van offering children candy?
Because you’ll have more success if you give out video games!
When a "Baby on Board" sticker is a little faded and beat up, you know the kid is at least a year old, and the car is safe to ram.
What's a kidnapper's favorite shoe? White vans.
My last relationship ended because I didn’t open the car door for her. Instead, I just went to the top of the water.
"John FK, he think he special car no top, everyone see like he on parade. Me, I stay hidden, secret style, no bullets find me. Much smar smarter, no? Scret lifestyle safety."
What does a car have when it's very itchy?
A road rash.
What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor?
"Where's my tractor!"
I saw your mother get into a white Ford Taurus on the corner of Milton and Halliburton, and you're still trying to tell me she ain't got no job cause she "can't get a ride to work?"
How did Helen Keller drive?
One hand on the wheel, one hand on the road.