Vehicle jokes
What has two tires and no engine? A magic house 🏡
A physicist, an engineer and a programmer were in a car driving over a steep alpine pass when the brakes failed. The car was getting faster and faster, they were struggling to get round the corners and once or twice only the feeble crash barrier saved them from crashing down the side of the mountain. They were sure they were all going to die, when suddenly they spotted an escape lane. They pulled into the escape lane, and came safely to a halt.
The physicist said, "We need to model the friction in the brake pads and the resultant temperature rise, see if we can work out why they failed."
The engineer said, "I think I've got a few spanners in the back. I'll take a look and see if I can work out what's wrong."
The programmer said, "Why don't we get going again and see if it's reproducible?"
What did one traffic light say to the other?
"Stop looking, I am changing."
Why did the frog take the train to work? His car got toad.
You don't need a license to drive a sandwich.
Well shit
What is green and looks like a school bus?
A school bus.
Q: Why did Sally survive the car accident?
A: She hit an ambulance.
My dog was hungry, so I let him loose outside while I filled his bowl.
I found out later that he was run over by a truck. It seemed to really hit the Spot.
What's black and yellow and can't swim?
A bus full of orphans.
What is better for bus drivers? A. Magic school bus 🚌
So I gave a disabled kid hot wheels. I mean cars, no I gave him literal hot wheels!
I got caught doing donuts in the parking lot, and I know what y'all are thinking.
Who names their dog Donuts?
I love taking my daughter out in the car. Every time we go over a speed bump, I tell her we ran over another dog. 😂
Wanna hear the car joke?
Nah, it's too fast for you.
What's the difference between Stephen and a car? A car loses oil, Stephen loses the ability to walk.
What should we want?
Racecars.
When should we want them?
NEOWWWWWWWWWWWM!
Q: Why couldn't the bicycle stand up?
A: Because it was too tired!! 😴😴😴
What's the difference between dead babies and a Ferrari?
I don't have a Ferrari in my garage.
A cop pulls over an old man.
The cop walks up to the old man and says, "Do you know why I pulled you over?"
The old man said, "No."
What's worse than locking your keys in the car in front of an abortion clinic?
Having to go back inside and ask to borrow a hanger.