Vehicle jokes
What do you call a Mexican that lost his car?
Car-los
I told a blonde she needed gas for her car, and she farted into the gas tank.
How are a woman and a car alike? Put something in them and they'll both start.
Little Jimmy has 5 red apples. His dad's car will arrive in 20 minutes. Calculate the mass of the Sun.
What's a kidnapper's favorite shoe? White vans.
Memes
This was a few months ago. I used to help people load and unload inventory. One day I’m driving home after having lunch with my sister, and she asked if we can stop at the next gas station. I told her, "So you can weigh yourself on the truck scale?"
Why did the frog take the bus to work?
His car got toad.
"John FK, he think he special car no top, everyone see like he on parade. Me, I stay hidden, secret style, no bullets find me. Much smar smarter, no? Scret lifestyle safety."
I drove my new rainbow-colored car today. For some reason, it wouldn't go straight.
How does a train sneeze?
It goes, "A-choo choo!"
What do you call a guy in a wheelchair on fire?
Hot wheels.
How did Helen Keller drive?
One hand on the wheel, one hand on the road.
What do you call a terrorist in a wheelchair?
RCXD.
Yo mama so stupid, she tried to fill her car with Vin Diesel.
Imagine a white van. Now imagine a white guy in the driver seat with a sombrero on and his arm out the window, and on the side of the van it says "Free Candy." But there's blood all over the van and a dead clown in the back.
I was sitting in traffic the other day.
Probably why I got run over.
Why did the rapper go to the auto shop?
To get his RHYMES in TUNE.
What's a rapper's favorite type of car?
A Rhyme Rover.
Why is it wrong to drive around in a van offering children candy?
Because you’ll have more success if you give out video games!
When a "Baby on Board" sticker is a little faded and beat up, you know the kid is at least a year old, and the car is safe to ram.