Vehicle jokes
One time, I was working this steamroller when the guy who I squashed farted.
I guess that’s what you call “FLAT”ulence.
Yo mama so stupid, she tried to fill her car with Vin Diesel.
I was sitting in traffic the other day.
Probably why I got run over.
How did Helen Keller drive?
One hand on the wheel, one hand on the road.
What do you call a terrorist in a wheelchair?
RCXD.
Memes
Imagine a white van. Now imagine a white guy in the driver seat with a sombrero on and his arm out the window, and on the side of the van it says "Free Candy." But there's blood all over the van and a dead clown in the back.
Why is it wrong to drive around in a van offering children candy?
Because you’ll have more success if you give out video games!
When a "Baby on Board" sticker is a little faded and beat up, you know the kid is at least a year old, and the car is safe to ram.
What's a kidnapper's favorite shoe? White vans.
"John FK, he think he special car no top, everyone see like he on parade. Me, I stay hidden, secret style, no bullets find me. Much smar smarter, no? Scret lifestyle safety."
Why did the rapper go to the auto shop?
To get his RHYMES in TUNE.
This was a few months ago. I used to help people load and unload inventory. One day I’m driving home after having lunch with my sister, and she asked if we can stop at the next gas station. I told her, "So you can weigh yourself on the truck scale?"
What's a rapper's favorite type of car?
A Rhyme Rover.
Why did the frog take the bus to work?
His car got toad.
For a golfer, Tiger Woods isn't very good of a driver.
My last relationship ended because I didn’t open the car door for her. Instead, I just went to the top of the water.
I saw your mother get into a white Ford Taurus on the corner of Milton and Halliburton, and you're still trying to tell me she ain't got no job cause she "can't get a ride to work?"
What do you call a wheelchair on fire?..
Hot Wheels.
What happens when a frog's car breaks down?
It gets toad away!
How does a train sneeze?
It goes, "A-choo choo!"