Vehicle jokes
I told a blonde she needed gas for her car, and she farted into the gas tank.
What do you call a Mexican that lost his car?
Car-los
How are a woman and a car alike? Put something in them and they'll both start.
Little Jimmy has 5 red apples. His dad's car will arrive in 20 minutes. Calculate the mass of the Sun.
Why were there only 3,000 Mexicans at the Battle of the Alamo?
'Cause they only had 4 trucks.
Memes
I drove my new rainbow-colored car today. For some reason, it wouldn't go straight.
What's a rapper's favorite type of car?
A Rhyme Rover.
One time, I was working this steamroller when the guy who I squashed farted.
I guess that’s what you call “FLAT”ulence.
Yo mama so stupid, she tried to fill her car with Vin Diesel.
I was sitting in traffic the other day.
Probably why I got run over.
How did Helen Keller drive?
One hand on the wheel, one hand on the road.
What do you call a terrorist in a wheelchair?
RCXD.
Imagine a white van. Now imagine a white guy in the driver seat with a sombrero on and his arm out the window, and on the side of the van it says "Free Candy." But there's blood all over the van and a dead clown in the back.
Why is it wrong to drive around in a van offering children candy?
Because you’ll have more success if you give out video games!
When a "Baby on Board" sticker is a little faded and beat up, you know the kid is at least a year old, and the car is safe to ram.
What's a kidnapper's favorite shoe? White vans.
"John FK, he think he special car no top, everyone see like he on parade. Me, I stay hidden, secret style, no bullets find me. Much smar smarter, no? Scret lifestyle safety."
Why did the rapper go to the auto shop?
To get his RHYMES in TUNE.
This was a few months ago. I used to help people load and unload inventory. One day I’m driving home after having lunch with my sister, and she asked if we can stop at the next gas station. I told her, "So you can weigh yourself on the truck scale?"
Why did the frog take the bus to work?
His car got toad.