Use jokes
Bleach solves so many problems:
Stains, dirty dishes, messes, and overpopulation of orphans.
You're so skinny that your mom had to use a whole shampoo bottle on your head, but she still couldn’t find you.
On a winter day many play.
Some with snow, and I with ice Used as a device to slice Somehow I'm colder now.
Yo mama so [full of] kidney stones Thanos used them for his gauntlet.
Daughter: Mommy?
Mom: Hey.
Daughter: What kind of kids do they use to make Sour Patch Kids?
Mom: They don’t use kids to make Sour Patch Kids.
Daughter: Oh, that’s why the ones I made taste kind of funny...
Why did Yoda go to jail for rape?
He doesn't get consent; he just uses the force.
You know you’re going bald when you use more toothpaste than shampoo.
Why do orphans use water for their cereal?
Because their dad never came back with the milk.
Why did Stephen die so early?
He didn't use long lasting batteries.
Why don’t Asians use phones?
Cuz they wing da wrong number!!!
What was one cool thing about Hitler?
He used to paint his thoughts on the wall with a gun.
Why don't a gun and an orphan have anything in common? The gun is actually useful.
Me: "What are you doing??"
Bully: "Where's my nan's urn?!?"
Me: "I don't know."
Bully: "Tell me!! *says worthless shit*"
Me: "Next time you're looking for the urn, don't bother, I smoked her ashes. They were so fucking good. I then used a quarter of them as an exfoliator, cleared my acne and eczema btw!! Then built sandcastles with them, then blew them in your family's face after!"
Don't bully kids.
One rainy day a NASCAR race was going on and they had no other choice but to use this bitch's forehead. https://sportsrecruits.com/athlete/morgan_tomporowski
What flowers do orphans use?...
Self-raising flour.
Yo Father, don't use the baptism bath. I cleaned my anal plug in there.
What?
The holy water gets all the ass off. Don't mind the white stuff. *clears throat*
Lady: "Can I lick your balls?"
Me: "Ummmmm, ok?"
Lady: *grabs ball sack and licks my balls*
Me: "I'm gonna have to clean these now!"
Lady: "Let me do that."
Me: "No, thank you! I have to use these baseballs for practice!"
What's the difference between a used condom and the UCP?
The condom was actually useful at one point.
In kindergarten, we were starting to learn how to use "big kid words." On Monday, the teacher asked everyone to share what they did over the weekend, but we had to use big kid words.
Eventually it got to my turn, and the teacher asked me what I did over the summer. I told her I read a book. She asked me what book, and to remember to use "big kid words." I'll never forget the horrified look on her face when I replied with "Winnie the Shit."
I remember when I was a kid, I thought the world used to be colorless.
I was kinda right. They used to not let colors in a lot of areas.