Use jokes
Yo momma so fat that she was used as a tank in Putin's war.
Yo mama's so nasty, they used to call them jumpolines 'til yo mama bounced on one.
Have you ever heard of the Russian politician who was so afraid of the dark that, instead of going to the bathroom at night, he would use a metal tin that he kept underneath his bed?
His name is Vladimir Pootin.
1+1=3
If you don't use a condom.
Daughter: Hey Dad, can I use your car?
Dad: Sure, but first you have to give me a blow job."
Daughter: Okay, (proceeds to service dad). Dad, ewww, your dick tastes like shite!"
Dad: Oh, that's right, I lent your brother the car.
A telescope has two uses:
1. To look in space. 2. To see your hairline.
Bro, my friend is always using zodiacs as an excuse.
The other day he said he couldn't hang out with me because of cancer. I told him to fuck off. Then I realized why he was mad after that...
Your hairline's so far back, I use it as a ruler to measure things.
I used to be addicted to the hokey pokey, but then I turned myself around.
Not to brag, but I defeated our local chess champion in less than five moves.
Finally my high school karate lessons came to some use.
How do you blindfold an Asian?
You use dental floss.
Why do orphans use Samsung?
Because iPhones have home buttons.
I have a better method of abortion than currently used. It's like a regular one, except you can get free food out of it... We're about to give baby-back ribs a whole new meaning.
Jack and Jill went up the hill so they could fuck in the water. But Jack forgot to use protection and now they have a daughter.
My three favorite things are eating my family, and not using commas.
How can you buy emos? Just use their bar code.
If Hitler was a comedian, he would use laughing gas.
We used to be the tallest buildings in New York...
Then we took an Arab to the knee.
What do eggs use in war? Eggk47s get my yolk this is really cracking me up!
They’d probably get shellshocked, wasn’t it all eggcellent? Ok, Ok, I’m headed for the egg-it.
Why did the new egg fell so good? It just got laid.
Why do Jedis stay single?
Because they use "divorce" (the Force).
May divorce be with you!