Use jokes

I used to date a girl with a lazy eye. Turns out she was seeing someone else the whole time.

Cosmetic surgery used to be such a taboo subject. Now you can talk about Botox, and nobody raises an eyebrow.

I posted up on my story that I got a new cut. My friends and family called the cops...

I used to be emo.

What caused Captain Hook's death?

He accidentally used the wrong hand to wipe his ass.

You know I used to call my dogs' balls the Twin Towers, until they came rumbling down.

What’s the difference between a chicken and an orphan?

The chicken is actually used for something.

I can tell you used to be friends with your hairline, cuz it goes way back.

Yo forehead so big, an airplane can use that as a runway!

This isn’t a joke. Quiet kid jokes are so cliché. Like since when was there an original quiet kid joke like smh. Doesn’t help because I’m a quiet kid and people act as if I’m so dangerous and it’s like the only thing they say to me. Being judged as some big bad monster for being AN INTROVERT!! These jokes used to be funny to me, but now I’m just sick of them...

What is the best shield to use during a battle? The emo kid.

Drinking coffee when you're anxious is about as effective as using gasoline to put out a fire, but slurp slurp guess who's an anxious bitch who never learns.

What does a disabled disco play?

"When your legs don’t work like they used to before."

What's the difference between an orphan and a pencil?

People actually have a use for one of them.

This isn't a joke, but I'm a survivor and use humor to cope. I find these extremely funny, so please leave the people writing these alone 😭

Say this to your significant other (or your weird friends!)

Are you an unsafe staircase? 'Cause you look like you could use a railing.

I used to work at a T-shirt factory before the company folded.

I had to stop using cutting jokes because they were getting too deep.

I told a kid in a wheelchair, "Use your nitro boosts!"

I was in class and we had to choose another term for words we use everyday. For kid, I chose "child"; for dog, I chose "pet"; and for wife, I chose "dishwasher."

What do you call a cat with two legs instead of four?

Dead and without use, that's what I feel like.