Use jokes
I asked my wife if I could use toys during sex last night. You should've seen her face when I rolled my Hot Wheels across her tits.
I was born and raised in Newcastle.
My grandfather used to tell me stories about Penaldo, a goblin from Portugal that travels to England when Newcastle is playing. He scores a tapin and then disappears until the next Newcastle game. I still have nightmares that he’s in our stadium.
Q: Why can't the orphan buy Robux?
A: He could not use his mother's credit card.
The US Navy Atlantic Fleet is closing in on the North American shores. Suddenly a blip on the radar appears and the radio starts crackling:
"Hello, please divert to 5° East to avoid collision. Thank you."
The commander starts answering:
"No, you divert 5° West to avoid collision. Over!"
"Sorry, sir, you are the one who should divert to 5° East! Over!"
"Listen to me, you asshole! We are the USS Washington, and we have an entire fleet at our disposal, and be sure we'll use all means necessary to keep ourselves safe!"
After a moment of silence, the radio crackled again:
"In case you still haven't figured out, we can't move BECAUSE THIS IS A LIGHTHOUSE!"
Q. Why was the orphan unable to use the phone?
A. He was trying to phone home.
What's the difference between a nuclear reactor and your step sis? You need to use protection for the nuclear reactor.
Why can't orphans operate Apple devices?
Because they don't know how to use the home button.
Your hairline looks like someone tried to erase it using Microsoft Paint.
What fits neatly into a hole, slides nicely between breasts, and if used wrong could choke someone? A seatbelt.
What's the easiest way to get straight A's? Use a ruler.
Q: Why do women only use their lefts?
A: Because they don't have any rights.
Pokemon: What do you call a killer that uses psycho powers?
Mr. Mime!
Why did the Irishman use three condoms? To be sure, to be sure, to be sure!
Why don’t orphans know how to use a phone?
Because they don’t know where home is.
Me: How does this thing work?
ForTnite kid: Oh, you don’t know how to use a pistol? Look, I’ll show you.
ForTnitekid: *shoots foot*
Me: That wasn’t a very good demonstration.
My relatives used to tease me at weddings, saying I'd be next. They soon stopped when I started doing the same to them at funerals.
When you think you're depressed, but you know you're probably just using depression to be lazy and self-loathing, but then you realize that it, in itself, might actually be a symptom of depression.
Well gang, it looks like we've got another mystery on our hands!
Two boys came home for dinner late, and their mother asked, "Where have you boys been?" One of them replied with, "We were all over the neighborhood, we're mailmen now." Their snobby teen sister said, "Well, you're not real mailmen, real mailmen use real letters." Then one of the boys said, "Actually, we used real letters, we found a whole box of them under your bed."
Why do tryhards use Fennecs? It looks better than the Octane.
I got my blind friend a TV... He never uses it.