Ups jokes

When you tell an orphan, "I did your mom in your home," and they start crying.

Me: You f&*k up.

The class: Oh sh!&

Everybody asks, "What's up?" but nobody asks, "What's down?"

People were deciding how to punish a terrible criminal, and one man came up with a great idea.

He sat him in a movie theater with no food at all and made him watch a 12 hour documentary about the country Hungary.

You could say Kobe's career went up in smoke.

One day in Roblox, someone was arguing with me, and they asked me my age. "18." They said that they were twenty-two.

Me: "If you're so smart, what's the largest daycare game on Roblox?"

Him: "Yo Hair," he said. Then he left the game, and I said, "That is so messed up. Actually, that's bullcrap."

Short girl: "How do you see up there?"

Tall guy: "Who said that?"

I spit my drink out and then ran away.

Why do girls rub their eyes after they wake up in the morning? because they don't have balls to scratch.

The popular girl told me, "I bet your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory!"

Two weeks later, she shows up pregnant.

...

I guess her rubber broke too.

Sometimes I just wake up in the morning and think, "Damn, better luck next time!"

I'm 43 and my date is 19. A man rudely comes up to our table and calls me a pedophile. I told him to fuck off, this is our 10th anniversary.

Me scrolling through jokes that sum up my life, starts crying.

My friend: What’s wrong?

Me: Nothing, it's just so funny. Lol😂🤣😂

"Knock, knock." "Who's there?" "Tornado." "Tornado who?" "Tornado going to suck yo house up."

Why can't orphans go to school? They need their parents to sign them up.

A lady walked into a bar and ordered their special drink. The bartender then gave her a brown glass full of milk. The lady complained about this, but then the bartender said, "Just shut up and swallow!"

Why was the short person a coward? They didn't stand up to challenges.

What burns up a football stadium?

A football match.

I would tell you a joke about a slice of pizza, but it's really... cheesy. I donut think you will come up with a better pun than this.

The eyelash and the lipstick got into a fight. Soon they will make up.

What did Adam say when he saw Eve?

Answer: "Woman!"

Why did the cumulonimbus not show up for work?

Because it was on strike.