Ups jokes

What did the Taliban say to the Afghan?

Nothing, they blew him up.

What do Special Ed kids and fast kids have in common? They like to do things sped up.

The wheelchair kid laughed at my test score, so I told him to stand up to the anthem.

A priest says to me, "Come up, my child." Then I said, "Do I know you? Because you're not my father."

I chucked a lamp and a depressed kid, hoping it would brighten up his day.

What falls down the building and doesn't get up again?

An emo.

What couldn’t the boy in the wheelchair do when he saw a bully? He couldn’t stand up for himself.

I saw an orphan fall in the street crying, so I ran up to him and said, "Are you okay? Where are your parents?"

How do homeless people move where they're living?

They pick up their box and walk away.

Why do blondes make bad bank robbers?

Because they tie up the safe and blow the guards.

When Ariana Grande broke up with Pete, she said, "I have one less problem without you."

Why would a dead guy lie?

Because he can't stand up.

What did the shoe say to the other shoe?

Nothing, it was tied up in another conversation.

Yo man, stand up.

*short person stands*

No, seriously man, stand up!

My grandad broke his legs.

To cheer him up, I bought him a Walkman.

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

What did the kangaroo say to the elephant? Hi up there!

"Mommy, mommy, where's my school dress... ewww!"

"Shut up and leave the bedroom."

I broke up with my RBLX gf, and I heard my uncle crying in the other room.

I told an orphan to never stop talking until their parents come home.

Now I can’t get it to shut up.