Ups jokes

A police officer came up to me and said, "Just why, why would you bring the epileptic children to a laser tag fight?"

My girlfriend just broke up with me because I held a door for another girl. She said I was cheating, but the girl I helped was in a wheelchair.

The wheelchair kid laughed at my test score, so I told him to stand up to the anthem.

Yo Mama so thin, when she signed up to be a stripper she became the pole

Why do orphans not care about sleep? Because they have no one to wake up to.

A homeless kid walked up to another kid and said, "I have what you don't." He said, "(Parents)."

And the kid said, "Your right, I do have parents," and walked away.

I asked my mom why dad was so pale and sick. She said, "Shut the fuck up and keep digging!"

What's an orphan's favorite game?

"Who's your daddy?"

(Go look up the game)

I told an orphan to never stop talking until their parents come home.

Now I can’t get it to shut up.

How do you get an orphan to go to sleep?

Tell them their parents are waiting when they wake up.

I actually want peace, not war.

That's what I always try reminding my girlfriend before beating her up.

She said she wanted me to treat her like a dishwasher. So I loaded her up, ran her through a rough cycle, and left her wet and broken on the floor.

Did you hear about the woman who broke up with the man who had a small penis?

When his friends ask how he’s doing, he said, “I wasn’t that into her.”

My dog is called Syndrome. He jumps up at me and I shout, "Down, Syndrome! Down, Syndrome!"

“If you're a dwarf and you're offended by that, grow up.”

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

A priest says to me, "Come up, my child." Then I said, "Do I know you? Because you're not my father."

I don’t see what the problem is.

The Supreme Court came up with a solution to the tampon shortage, yet all the liberals are pissed!

My son came up to me and said, "Mom, where are your parents?"

I stared in confusion. I said, "In a far place."

He asked, "In an orphanage?"

Found this girl in Hawaii.

Put a stick up her ass and she said, "Ayi."