Ups jokes

A police officer came up to me and said, "Just why, why would you bring the epileptic children to a laser tag fight?"

What falls down the building and doesn't get up again?

An emo.

I was thrown out of the charity food kitchen on my first night of volunteering.

All I said was, "Hurry up, some of us got homes to go to..."

What does a race track and your hairline have in common? They both go up and down.

Fat person: "Hey, what's up?"

Friend: "Your blood pressure!"

When we were kids, we used to be afraid of the dark.

But when we grew up, the electricity bill made us afraid of the light!

Yo Mama so thin, when she signed up to be a stripper she became the pole

Yo mama so fat, when she made a joke, only one person laughed at it: the pavement. It was absolutely cracking up!

How do I fix a broken light bulb? I don't. I simply blow up the house.

Rizz.

Are you a dinosaur? Because I want to blow you up.

I went to a library and I started to make fun of a disabled guy. He started crying, and I said, "Stand up for yourself!"

I broke up with my girlfriend because she wouldn't stand for the pledge. She was in a wheelchair.

A priest says to me, "Come up, my child." Then I said, "Do I know you? Because you're not my father."

(Bully) Boy, you ugly!

(Me) Boy, shut up, that's why your hairline start at the back of your head.

Why aren’t short people allowed to be mentors?

Because you can’t look up to them.

Yo mama so fat, when she went to a dating service, they ended up matching her up with Pittsburgh.

I just broke up with my mathematician girlfriend. She was obsessed with an X.

Did you hear about the woman who put her husband’s ashes in a burrito?

He gets to tear that ass up one more time.

What did the Taliban say to the Afghan?

Nothing, they blew him up.

Walk up to an emo and say, "I like your cuts G."