Ups jokes
A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Amal." The other goes to a family in Spain, who name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his mother.
Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal. Her husband responds: "They're twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."
Fat person: "Hey, what's up?"
Friend: "Your blood pressure!"
I actually want peace, not war.
That's what I always try reminding my girlfriend before beating her up.
She said she wanted me to treat her like a dishwasher. So I loaded her up, ran her through a rough cycle, and left her wet and broken on the floor.
What does a race track and your hairline have in common? They both go up and down.
Motivational Quote for today: If you're feeling tired and ugly today, cheer up, you probably won't feel tired tomorrow morning...
I was thrown out of the charity food kitchen on my first night of volunteering.
All I said was, "Hurry up, some of us got homes to go to..."
Yo mama so fat, when she went to a dating service, they ended up matching her up with Pittsburgh.
Rizz.
Are you a dinosaur? Because I want to blow you up.
Why did the cop show up early to the protest? To beat the crowd.
If your wife has boxes and boxes ending up at your front door from her online shopping habit, tell her that you’ve only had one box through the marriage and that she should be happy.
Why do men fart louder than women?
Because women can’t keep their mouth shut to build up any pressure.
Did you hear about the woman who broke up with the man who had a small penis?
When his friends ask how he’s doing, he said, “I wasn’t that into her.”
“If you're a dwarf and you're offended by that, grow up.”
(Bully) Boy, you ugly!
(Me) Boy, shut up, that's why your hairline start at the back of your head.
Walk up to an emo and say, "I like your cuts G."
When we were kids, we used to be afraid of the dark.
But when we grew up, the electricity bill made us afraid of the light!
How do I fix a broken light bulb? I don't. I simply blow up the house.
My girlfriend just broke up with me because I held a door for another girl. She said I was cheating, but the girl I helped was in a wheelchair.
Yo mama so fat, when she made a joke, only one person laughed at it: the pavement. It was absolutely cracking up!