Fat person: "Hey, whats up?"
Friend: "Your blood pressure"
I just broke up with my mathematician girlfriend. She was obsessed with an X.
When we were kids, we used to be afraid of the dark. But when we grew up, the electricity bill made us afraid of the light!
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
There is an afghan barbie; it’s a blow up doll
when you suffer from deppresion and some tells you to just cheer up god damn why didnt i think of that
what did the shoe say to the other shoe?
nothing it was tied up in a other conversation
I was thrown out of the charity food kitchen on my first night of volunteering.
All I said was, hurry up, some of us got homes to go to...
What does a race track and your hairline have in common? They both go up and down.
The other day I went to a museum, my friend and I went to the holocaust section and he got choked up when he saw the Anne Frank picture. I asked him. Why are you sad it’s just an Ash tray
I don’t see what the problem is.
The Supreme Court came up with a solution to the tampon shortage, yet all the liberals are pissed!
Did you hear about the woman who put her husband’s ashes in a burrito? He gets to tear that ass up one more time
Sophia matched with a midget on Tinder. Midget: Hey! What’s up? Sophia: Well technically everything is, from your perspective!
Why aren’t short people allowed to be mentors? Because you can’t look up to them
Quote of the day: It's never too late to be what you wished you were. Hope y'all are having a great day! I just got back from a volleyball tournament that I had to be up at 5AM for! We played three games and won the last one. We advanced and are playing a few more tomorrow. Wish me and my team good luck!
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
Seeing one of her students making faces at others in the playground, Mrs. Matthews stopped to gently reprove the child. Smiling sweetly the teacher said, "When I was a child, I was told if I made ugly faces I would stay like that." The student looked up and replied, "Well, you can’t say you weren’t warned, Mrs. Matthews."
This bunny named Mason came up to a bar and ordered a beer and a burger. he sits at a table and the waiter brought a huge burger. Mason: heh. good thing i eat like a horse. He looks up at the waiter. Waiter: you are a nasty little bunny, aren't you? Mason screamed and ran away as the waiter chased him.... she was a HORSE.
I was walking down the street when I saw my ex-girlfriend so I fuck her, turns out it was her identical twins that she never told me about. And I decided to confront her. So I did the next time I saw her but this time it was her Identical triplet. There 3 of them.... AND SHE NEVER BROUGHT THAT UP IN THE 7 YEARS I WAS DATING HER!
Jantje goes on a walk with his grandmother. Jantje sees 1 dollar on the street and picks it up. The grandmother says: Hey, jantje! No picking up things from the floor! They are ugly and bad! Then they keep walking. The grandmother slips and asks jantje to help her stand up. Jantje anwsers: No! Everything on the ground is ugly and bad.
