Ups jokes

Why do orphans not care about sleep? Because they have no one to wake up to.

Your mama is so fat that when she fell, I didn't laugh, but the concrete cracked up.

Fat person: "Hey, what's up?"

Friend: "Your blood pressure!"

Motivational Quote for today: If you're feeling tired and ugly today, cheer up, you probably won't feel tired tomorrow morning...

Found this girl in Hawaii.

Put a stick up her ass and she said, "Ayi."

My girlfriend just broke up with me because I held a door for another girl. She said I was cheating, but the girl I helped was in a wheelchair.

Yo mama so fat, when she made a joke, only one person laughed at it: the pavement. It was absolutely cracking up!

A police officer came up to me and said, "Just why, why would you bring the epileptic children to a laser tag fight?"

Yo Mama so thin, when she signed up to be a stripper she became the pole

Walk up to an emo and say, "I like your cuts G."

I broke up with my girlfriend because she wouldn't stand for the pledge. She was in a wheelchair.

How do I fix a broken light bulb? I don't. I simply blow up the house.

When we were kids, we used to be afraid of the dark.

But when we grew up, the electricity bill made us afraid of the light!

(Bully) Boy, you ugly!

(Me) Boy, shut up, that's why your hairline start at the back of your head.

Why do men fart louder than women?

Because women can’t keep their mouth shut to build up any pressure.

If your wife has boxes and boxes ending up at your front door from her online shopping habit, tell her that you’ve only had one box through the marriage and that she should be happy.

Why did the cop show up early to the protest? To beat the crowd.

I actually want peace, not war.

That's what I always try reminding my girlfriend before beating her up.

I went to a library and I started to make fun of a disabled guy. He started crying, and I said, "Stand up for yourself!"

Rizz.

Are you a dinosaur? Because I want to blow you up.