Ups jokes

A police officer came up to me and said, "Just why, why would you bring the epileptic children to a laser tag fight?"

"A llahu Aks into a bar..."

And it blows up!

Did you hear about the woman who put her husband’s ashes in a burrito?

He gets to tear that ass up one more time.

Why aren’t short people allowed to be mentors?

Because you can’t look up to them.

I just broke up with my mathematician girlfriend. She was obsessed with an X.

I went to a library and I started to make fun of a disabled guy. He started crying, and I said, "Stand up for yourself!"

What comedy skill can’t any cripple master?

Stand up.

What did the Taliban say to the Afghan?

Nothing, they blew him up.

Yo Mama so thin, when she signed up to be a stripper she became the pole

I broke up with my girlfriend because she wouldn't stand for the pledge. She was in a wheelchair.

Found this girl in Hawaii.

Put a stick up her ass and she said, "Ayi."

I chucked a lamp and a depressed kid, hoping it would brighten up his day.

What do Special Ed kids and fast kids have in common? They like to do things sped up.

What falls down the building and doesn't get up again?

An emo.

What did the kangaroo say to the elephant? Hi up there!

Why do orphans not care about sleep? Because they have no one to wake up to.

I told an orphan to never stop talking until their parents come home.

Now I can’t get it to shut up.

How do you get an orphan to go to sleep?

Tell them their parents are waiting when they wake up.

A homeless kid walked up to another kid and said, "I have what you don't." He said, "(Parents)."

And the kid said, "Your right, I do have parents," and walked away.

My son came up to me and said, "Mom, where are your parents?"

I stared in confusion. I said, "In a far place."

He asked, "In an orphanage?"