Ups jokes

Yo mama so fat, when she went to a dating service, they ended up matching her up with Pittsburgh.

Rizz.

Are you a dinosaur? Because I want to blow you up.

I went to a library and I started to make fun of a disabled guy. He started crying, and I said, "Stand up for yourself!"

Yo mama so fat, when she made a joke, only one person laughed at it: the pavement. It was absolutely cracking up!

A police officer came up to me and said, "Just why, why would you bring the epileptic children to a laser tag fight?"

My girlfriend just broke up with me because I held a door for another girl. She said I was cheating, but the girl I helped was in a wheelchair.

When we were kids, we used to be afraid of the dark.

But when we grew up, the electricity bill made us afraid of the light!

What did the kangaroo say to the elephant? Hi up there!

"Mommy, mommy, where's my school dress... ewww!"

"Shut up and leave the bedroom."

What did the shoe say to the other shoe?

Nothing, it was tied up in another conversation.

Why would a dead guy lie?

Because he can't stand up.

Yo man, stand up.

*short person stands*

No, seriously man, stand up!

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Fat person: "Hey, what's up?"

Friend: "Your blood pressure!"

Yo Mama so thin, when she signed up to be a stripper she became the pole

How do I fix a broken light bulb? I don't. I simply blow up the house.

I actually want peace, not war.

That's what I always try reminding my girlfriend before beating her up.

My dog is called Syndrome. He jumps up at me and I shout, "Down, Syndrome! Down, Syndrome!"

She said she wanted me to treat her like a dishwasher. So I loaded her up, ran her through a rough cycle, and left her wet and broken on the floor.

Did you hear about the woman who broke up with the man who had a small penis?

When his friends ask how he’s doing, he said, “I wasn’t that into her.”