The other day I went to a museum. My friend and I went to the Holocaust section, and he got choked up when he saw the Anne Frank picture. I asked him, "Why are you sad? It's just an ashtray."
What does a race track and your hairline have in common? They both go up and down.
How do I fix a broken light bulb? I don't. I simply blow up the house.
What did the kangaroo say to the elephant? Hi up there!
When Ariana Grande broke up with Pete, she said, "I have one less problem without you."
What did the two crewmates say when they were hanging on a rope? Polus up!
A homeless kid walked up to another kid and said, "I have what you don't." He said, "(Parents)."
And the kid said, "Your right, I do have parents," and walked away.
Yo man, stand up.
*short person stands*
No, seriously man, stand up!
Why do blondes make bad bank robbers?
Because they tie up the safe and blow the guards.
Why do orphans not care about sleep? Because they have no one to wake up to.
I broke up with my RBLX gf, and I heard my uncle crying in the other room.
"Mommy, mommy, where's my school dress... ewww!"
"Shut up and leave the bedroom."
Your mama is so fat that when she fell, I didn't laugh, but the concrete cracked up.
Stephen Hawking shows up to a car meet-up.
What did the shoe say to the other shoe?
Nothing, it was tied up in another conversation.
How do you get an orphan to go to sleep?
Tell them their parents are waiting when they wake up.
I asked my mom why dad was so pale and sick. She said, "Shut the fuck up and keep digging!"
I saw an orphan fall in the street crying, so I ran up to him and said, "Are you okay? Where are your parents?"
I broke up with my girlfriend because she wouldn't stand for the pledge. She was in a wheelchair.
Yo Mama so thin, when she signed up to be a stripper she became the pole
