Ups jokes
There were two twins, and they were both very tall.
The next thing they knew, they were on the floor, and there were planes up their asses.
when you see a depressed kid, you walk up and say "wassup my lil barcode"
One day, I saw a kid beating up a fat kid. But a cop came out of nowhere and threw the bully off him. The cop then asked the bully, "Why are you beating him up?" I responded, saying, "I'm fighting obesity; no children should suffer from diabetes and heart disease." Then, the cop pulled out a gun and fired, afterwards saying, "Well, how did I do?"
Somebody told me to go to hell, so I walked up to Donald Trump.
Why does the disabled person scrunch his toilet paper up? Because that’s the way he rolls.
How bad is explosive diarrhea when a Muslim has it? Because my Chipotle blew up yesterday.
My orphan terrorist friend is on TV... I think he blew up.
Are you a lightbulb, cuz you brighten up my day?
Why did the orphan sleep outside? ... Because he gets to wake up to Mother Nature.
An orphan walked up to the lemonade stand and he said to the man running the stand, "Hey, bum, bum, bum, got a family?"
What do blondes and beer bottles have in common? They are both empty from the neck up.
How do you know if a black lady’s pregnant?
You put a banana up her vagina and see if any little monkeys come and get it.
Why does NASA only serve Coke?
Because they can't get Seven-Up!
Hey, What do you want? We broke up like 5 days ago, leave me alone. Ok, first wanna do some things? What kind of things? Illegal things. Like what? Knock you off and hide your body. 🤡🤡🗡
One weekend some distant family members that I hadn't met before came over. My cousins (who I also hadn't met before) were fighting, so I decided to separate them and place them in opposite corners of the room (thinking it would help).
My mom took me to an empty room with tears in her eyes and told me they both ended up dying.
Well, SO-RRY, but I didn't know they were conjoined twins.
Solve this equation: a gay boy + a whole lot of drugs = A hyped up f'ing machine.
Why was the short person a coward? They didn't stand up to challenges.
What's the difference in Japanese Kamikaze and 9/11?
There is none, they both go up in flames.
What's the best response to a girl saying, 'What's up?'
'If I tell you, will you sit on it?'
A brother and sister were hanging out, and the brother was sad, so the sister asked why. The brother replies with, "I think I need to break up with you!"