Ups jokes

What's the worst part about getting old?

Going to pull up the wrinkles in your socks, just to find out you're not wearing socks!

A sibling went up to their other sibling and said, "Dad said you're adopted."

The other sibling said, "You are, too."

Then the first sibling goes, "No, I'm not."

And the sibling says, "We're twins."

The other kid goes, "And you're adopted... oh."

Just got a new internet connected toaster. It wouldn't work until I enabled pop-ups!

Why does the paper follow up with wine because it was junk? Do wrong, so wrong that you don’t even exist because nobody even eats it. Ha ha! Ha ha! Ha ha! Ha ha! Ha ha! Ha ha! Ha ha! Ha ha! Ha ha! Ha ha! Ha ha! Ha ha! Ha ha! Ha ha! Ha ha! Ha ha! Ha ha! Ha ha! Ha ha! Haha ha ha! Haha ha haha ha ha! Ha hah hah hah ha!

How do you communicate to the dead?

Jump up and down on the ground and speak in Morse code!

Friend: What goes up but not down?

You: Your age.

I was trying to make a joke about fighting, but I couldn't come up with a good punchline.

Spy: Hahaha.

Me: What?

Spy: Time to pick up your mother.

Me: Oh no....

Here's a good tree joke to spruce up your day!

What's up with airline food?

My brother has a fucking ass and I wake up to him twerking.

I searched up hornets and then said that it will leave a sting.

What happened to Stephen Hawking after he reached Heaven?

Nothing yet. He is still struggling to get up the stairway to Heaven.

Q: Why don't orphans turn up to parents evening?

A: Because they don't have any parents.

I didn't put my kids up for adoption.

My mom interrupted my gaming session to tell me to hang up the lights.

I hung something else instead.

Q: What's the difference between a Genealogist and a Gynecologist?

A: One looks up the family tree and the other looks up the family bush.

What's 2ft long, blue, and stiff and keeps a woman up all night?

Cot death.

I beat up a failed musician until he started crying.

I thought a few hits would cheer him up!

Jesus walks into a hotel, hands the inn keeper three nails and says, "Can ya put me up for the night?"