Ups jokes
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Knock knock.
WHO'S THERE?
*Starts putting up hand signs.*
Why is he called Stephen Hawking?
Because he is always trying to hawk up phlegm to clear his throat.
Speak to your dad before I put my hand up your ass!
Why do terrorists like the Twin Towers?
It's the next thing they blow up.
Best pick up line EVER.
There is an app on your phone called ringer. Go into it. There is a 12 to 15 digit number. Enter that into my phone, my dick will get 12 to 15 inches longer.
Mommy, mommy! Are we bank robbers?
Shut up and pass me the note.
"Mommy, mommy! Are we janitors?"
"Shut up and pass me the mop."
Mommy, mommy! Are we liars?
"Shut up and cross your fingers when you say that."
I saw my midget neighbor at a bus stop.
"Jump in, I'll give you a lift home," I said.
"Bugger off!" he shouted back.
"What an ungrateful little man," I thought as I zipped up my backpack and continued my walk.
An African man was walking in New York when he saw a sign that said, "Watch out for children."
He started laughing hysterically, then a white man asked him, "Why are you laughing?"
He said, "In Africa, they would never put up a sign like that."
My crush's best friend came up to me and called me my crush's dog 🐕, so then I say, "Wow, you're an ass for calling me a bitch." He then looks at me wide-eyed, and I just walk away.
Y'all catch me up, what's going on on this website because I haven't been on for, like, 2 weeks?
Don't crack this joke up!
I saw a little kid cry. I went up to him and asked where his parents were. Jeez, I love working at the orphanage!
Gwen, I thought you would be with me if Prince broke up with you... :((((((
What can you break, even if you never pick it up or touch it?
Answer: A promise.
A guy walks up to a girl. He says, "Hey, you want a poker? I’ve got one."
"Hey, look at me, I'm stupid named Jordan C who won't shut up and leave Addison alone."
I wanted to put this up so I could say goodbye to everyone that I chatted with, like Gwen or MEG... So, yea, see you next year after Friday.
Somebody told me to type "Up" by Cardi B. So here it goes:
Up