What does having sex with a woman and cooking an egg in a skillet have in common?
Both end with a loud annoying sound and a gooey mess to clean the shit up.
Ups Jokes
When the school shooter drops his gun, and the autistic kid picks it up thinking it’s his long lost nerf gun.
Hey, I broke up with your girl.
-Me: What? Why?
Wait, what?
-Me: You f**ked her, so it's your baby.
Stephen Hawking is the fastest footballer ever--he could just charge up the Left Wing!
Your mumma so fat she takes up 4 seats of the sofa.
I gave up my seat to blind lady because she couldn't find any--let's just say I lost my job as a bus driver.
I rub lipstick on my forehead to make up my mind.
"What do you want to eat?"
"You choose."
"Children."
"What?"
*Picks up pot*
"You said anything!"
A girl in the shop was getting bullied. She came to me saying, "I’m getting bullied." I told her, "Stand up for herself."
What happened when a kid bullied an orphan?
The orphan said, "I’m going to tell my mom!"
Bully: "I wanna see your mom!"
Narrator: At that moment, he knew he messed up.
This was my friend's joke he wanted me to post;)
No one:
Literally no one:
Abraham Lincoln: *dies*
John Wilkes Booth: *ranks up*
I just came up with a really good deaf people joke! The great thing is that they won't be able to hear it!
Jack and Jill ran up the hill to pop some pills,
And Jill said, "Jack can do her without here will," and Jack's penis was still.
50 Thumbs up for 10 jokes you ́ve never seen!
What did the guy with no teeth say to a blind guy... How many fingers am I holding up?
How does a butcher keep his tent up in the wind? Steaks.
I had a dream about a car, and I woke up exhausted.
Plz look up rainbow kiss - Bill Cosby.
One day, there were three people: a mom and two kids. One of the kids walks up and asks her mom why she was named Rose. Her mom told her that she ate a rose petal when she was born; that is why she was named Rose.
Then the second child walked up and yelled, "Ahhhhhh!" and the mom said, "Shut up, Billy Goat!"
Once there was a midget man jumping on a pothole saying 43, 43, 43. A kid walks up to the man and says, "Why are you saying 43, 43, 43?"
The man stops and looks at him, then he starts jumping again and says 43, 43, 43.
The kid asked him again and so on.
Then the man stops, opens the pothole, throws the kid in, closes it, and starts jumping and says 44, 44, 44!!!"
