Ups jokes
I bet Steven Hawking $100 if he could catch me.
As soon as he said yes, I climbed up the stairs.
My ex broke up with me the day before his birthday. Yeah, he never got to see anything on his birthday. Next thing you know, I'm now in prison.
Your mum's vagina is so ravenous, that last night we both ended up on the living room floor, with her on top. She was eating my creamy young face off.
Q: What's the difference between a Genealogist and a Gynecologist?
A: One looks up the family tree and the other looks up the family bush.
When does a dyslexic person know when they've spelt their address wrong?
When it fails to turn up.
Memes
Repeat after me: shut up; shut up; I don’t shut up, I grow up, and when I look at you, I throw up. 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
One time I broke a leg and I was using a wheelchair.
My parents thought I was a disappointment and put me up on eBay, the Ohioan Black Market, and the nearest adoption center.
I beat up a failed musician until he started crying.
I thought a few hits would cheer him up!
My mom interrupted my gaming session to tell me to hang up the lights.
I hung something else instead.
What's 2ft long, blue, and stiff and keeps a woman up all night?
Cot death.
What goes up but never comes down? Your age. You have probably heard this joke before.
I know a man who gave up smoking, drinking, sex, and rich food. He was healthy right up to the day he killed himself.
Jesus walks into a motel, puts three nails on the counter, and says, "Can you put me up for the night?"
Jesus walks into a hotel, hands the inn keeper three nails and says, "Can ya put me up for the night?"
My uncle is a horrible ventriloquist. He put his hand up my butt, but he told me NOT to say anything.
Why did the African child wake up suddenly? Because he was being sexually abused.
Why did the suicide bomber get promoted?
Because he was blowing up at work. 💀😈
What's the difference between a child and a cancer diagnosis? At least the cancer grows up and leaves eventually.
My girlfriend broke up with me, so I took her wheelchair. Guess who came crawling back?
Why did the rapper take up gardening?
Because they wanted to GROW their FLOW.